SubUrbia (1996)

Steve Zahn: Buff

Photos 

Quotes 

• Nazeer Choudhury : You're a drunk and an idiot.

  Buff : Your wife sucks my cock every night, swallows my cum, and loves it. That's okay.

  Nazeer Choudhury : Yeah, it's okay. You know, we have a saying back home: "Either the salt is rotten or the meat."

  Buff : Yeah, well, uh, you're not so smart, chief, 'cause I'm moving out to L.A.

  Nazeer Choudhury : Ah, that's nice. They have many convenience stores there for you to stand in front of.

• Jeff : Buff, that slice is the difference between life and death for some half-dead Bangladeshi.

  Buff : You know you're getting me all upset here.

  Jeff : You should get upset. Everyone should get upset. When Hitler was greasing the Jews people were saying "Don't get me upset, you're bumming me out." It's my duty as a human being to be pissed off.

• Buff : What are you doing now?

  Bee-Bee : I don't know. You mean like now? Like right now? Waiting.

• Buff : Hey, I've been making these tapes, you know, video tapes. I ripped off a camcorder up at the mall and I thought, you know, it could be something that I do, be a video artist, you know.

  Tim : Ladies and gentlemen, Buff, the postmodern idiot savant. He willl outdo us all.

• Pony : Oh man, I feel good. Whoo! I feel good 'cuz I'm hangin' out with you guys, man. You know? I mean, I forgot what it was like to just hang out! And you know why it's so good? See, because, see, you guys are real. No, man, I mean it! You guys have a sense of humor. You live your lives, you know? It's simple, you know? The guys on the road, I mean the band, all they talk about is scoring chicks. And Danny, all Danny talks about is money.

  Buff : Yeah, we're above all that.

• Pony : If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, does it make a sound?

  Jeff : Of course it does!

  Sooze : You know, that is my worst fear. Making a sound an no one hears it.

  Pony : Mine too.

  Jeff : W-w-wait a minute, wait a minute.

  Pony : You know what I'm saying.

  Sooze : Sure! You make art and you want people to see it.

  Buff : Wait. What happened to the tree?

• [What makes for a successful evening] 

  Buff : Smoke; babe; slice; brew. All four bases.

• Buff : If I were in his shoes, every morning I'd get up singing, man. I'd do my workout, take a shower, followed by a hearty breakfast of steak and eggs washed down with a pot of hot coffee and a six-pack of Coors Light. Then I'd order my bodyguard to go find my babe, who would appear decked out in her all black leather Victoria's Secret custom made body suit so I'd, like, have to chew off all her clothes until she was completely nude, except she'd have these amazing dragon tattoos all of her body and pierced nipples with little gold peace signs hangin' from 'em. And then she'd take out this half-ounce of blow and snap out a few Mongol lines and we'd vaporize a few million brains cells, screw for about an hour, then spend the rest of the morning trashed, watching...Gilligan.

  Jeff : That sounds so great, man, yes. Hey, what would you do in the afternoon?

  Buff : Same--more of the same.

  Jeff : Yeah?

  Buff : Just keep doin' the same thing all the time, around and around the clock, with an occasional burger or slice thrown in for our vitamins and energy.

  [head-bangs street sign] 

  Buff : Ow, man. And then instead of watching Gilligan we'd watch...Captain Kirk.

  Jeff : That sounds so depressing.

  Buff : Oh come on, man, tell me you wouldn't love it!

  Jeff : No, I'm not saying I wouldn't love it. No, I'm saying that after awhile it'd wear thin.

  Buff : Yeah, a long while. A long, long while.

  Jeff : Watch out for the tree.

  Buff : A long, long, long while.

  Jeff : Okay, okay.

  Buff : A long, long, long--

  Jeff : Okay!