Antz (1998)

Woody Allen: Z

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Quotes 

• Bala : I've been kidnapped by the village idiot.

  Z : Who's the bigger idiot? The idiot, or the idiot who gets kidnapped by the idiot?

• Weaver : What are you bitching about? in case you haven't noticed, we ants are running the show. We're the Lords of the Earth.

  Z : Hey, don't talk to me about earth, okay, because I just spent all day hauling it around.

• Z : Wow, every worker in the colony is here. Hey, wait a minute. That guy owes me money.

• [last lines] 

  Z : There you have it. Your average "boy-meets-girl, boy-likes-girl, boy-changes-underlying-social-order" story. So, what else can I tell you? We rebuilt the colony - it's even better than before, you know, 'cause now it has a very large indoor swimming pool. Bala and I, incidentally, are thinking of starting a family. You know, just a few kids, maybe a million or two to begin with. And I'm, I'm workin' with a new therapist, you know, terrific, absolutely terrific. He's, he's been putting me in touch with my inner maggot, which is helping me a great deal. And, you know, I finally feel like I found my place, and you know what? It's right back where I started. But the difference is, this time I chose it.

• [first lines] 

  Z : All my life, I've lived and worked in the big city, which now that I think of it, is kind of a problem since I always feel uncomfortable around crowds. I mean it, I-I have this fear of enclosed spaces. I-I-I, everything makes me feel trapped all the time. You know, I always tell myself, there's gotta be something better out there, but maybe I think too much. I-I-I think everything must go back to the fact that I had a very anxious childhood. You know, my, my mother never had time for me. You know, when you're - when you're the middle child in a family of five million, you don't get any attention. I mean, how's it possible? And I've always had these, these abandonment issues, which plagued me. My father was basically a drone like I've said, and, you know, the guy flew away when I was just a larva. And my job, don't get me started on, 'cause it really annoys me. I was not cut out to be a worker, I'll tell you right now. I-I-I feel physically inadequate. I, I, my whole life I've never, I've never been able to lift more than ten times my own body weight, and, and when you get down to it, handling dirt is, you know, ewwww, is not my idea of a rewarding career. It's this whole gung-ho super-organism thing that, that, that I - you know, I can't get, I try but I can't get it. I mean, you know what is it, I'm supposed to do everything for the colony, and, and what about my needs? What about me? I mean, I gotta believe there's someplace out there that's better than this! Otherwise, I'll just curl up in a larval position and weep! The whole system makes me feel... insignificant!

  Psychologist : Excellent. You've made a real breakthrough.

  Z : I have?

  Psychologist : Yes, Z. You ARE insignificant.

• General Mandible : [Z has broken through to the surface where Mandible and his soldiers wait for them to be drowned]  Let go! Don't you understand? It's for the good of the colony!

  Z : What are you saying? We are the colony!

  [Mandible is about to strike Z when Cutter knocks his aside] 

  General Mandible : Cutter, what are you doing?

  Colonel Cutter : Something I should have done a long time ago.

  [extends his hand to the worker ants] 

  Colonel Cutter : *This* is for the good of the colony, General.

  General Mandible : You useless, ungrateful maggot! *I* am the colony!

• Weaver : Don't you want your aphid beer?

  Z : Call me crazy, but I have a thing about drinking from the anus of another creature.

• Z : [panicked]  Hey, wait a minute. Let's not get... we're being too hasty here. These guys sound like bruisers. Just how were you figuring on beating them.

  Barbatus : Superior numbers, kid. Overwhelm their defenses, and kill their queen.

  Z : [panicked]  I, um, whurr, whuh, hey, fellas, that's... you're being a little extreme, I feel. Why don't, why don't, why don't we just try to influence their political process with campaign contributions?

• Bala : Don't you get it? I was slumming it. I chose you because you were the most pathetic little bug in the joint.

  Z : You know, I was going to let you become a part of my most erotic fantasies, but now you can just write it off.

• Z : Who the HELL is that?

• Z : I guess you prefer old Blood and Guts, huh? His idea of a romantic date is two seats at a public execution. Boy, you sure chose the right husband.

  Bala : For your information, the general and I are deeply, deeply in... in... engaged.

• Bala : Haven't I seen you somewhere before?

  Z : Well, maybe, then again, maybe not, and then again... yowch.

  Bala : [recognizing his line from the night before]  That's it. You're the guy from the bar.

  Z : Shhh.

  Queen : Bar? What bar?

  Bala : I... danced with this guy at the bar the other night. He was just a worker, then.

  Queen : What were you doing at a bar?

  General Mandible : Precisely what I want to know.

  Bala : No. This isn't about me. I mean, Look at this worker. Look what he's done.

  Z : I think - I think you're thinking of someone else. After all, I am a soldier.

  Bala : Exactly. You *were* a worker, but now you're a war hero.

  Queen : He's a worker?

  General Mandible : A worker danced with my fiance?

  Z : F-fiance? Hey, w-wait a minute. Th-this is not how it looks. I-I can explain this... hey, SHE was the one making all the moves.

• Z : Why'd I have to be born a worker? You soldiers get all the glory. Plus, you get to go out in the world. You know, you meet interesting insects; you get to kill them.

  Weaver : Yeah, but you get to spend all day with those beautiful worker girls.

  Z : Weaver, they're CAREER girls. They're obsessed with digging.

• [marching to battle] 

  Z : So, these... these termites, they're... they're, they're... these guys aren't going to put up much of a fight, right? I mean, we're talking about pushovers, right?

  Barbatus : Not really, kid. They're five times our size and spit acid from their foreheads.

• Z : Will you calm down? You're not going to let a little near-death experience ruin your mood, are you?

• Foreman : Look, I got orders, and those orders say dig.

  Z : What if someone ordered you to jump off a bridge? You-you...

  [Foreman looks thoughtful] 

  Z : Oh, brother. I'm asking the wrong guy here.

• Bala : Z, I've gotta help my Mom.

  Z : Don't worry, I know almost exactly what I'm doing.

• [Z is trying to convince Weaver to switch jobs with him] 

  Weaver : Would I meet some worker girls?

  Z : Are you kidding? They always go after the new guy. It's like a SPORT for them. And believe me, they will definitely go for an... adorable little insect like you.

• Azteca : Come on, Z. Help us build a bigger, stronger colony, and for crying out loud, try to be happy about it.

  Z : Sure, why not?

  [nervous chuckle] 

  Z : Why should I be unhappy being a piece of construction equipment?

• Z : [mocking the scout]  Nothing like a little post-traumatic stress disorder to make your day complete.

• Chip : You have such a big heart. That's why you're my little cuddly-widdles.

  Muffy : Oh, my big, strong pheronome factory.

  [They eskimo kiss] 

  Z : [nauseated]  Oh, brother. Suddenly, I just lost my appetite.

• General Mandible : You're an ant after my own heart, an ant who looks death in the face and laughs.

  Z : Actually, I generally just make belittling comments and snicker behind death's back.

• Azteca : [Azteca strikes him with dirt just as he's about to dig, trying to be "insignificant, but with attitude]  Oh, sorry, Z. I didn't see you there.

  Z : That's great, Azteca. It's working already. I'm so meaningless I'm invisible.

  Azteca : [laughs]  Now you're getting it. It's not about you. It's about us - the team - *this*.

  [gestures at the whole of the conlony] 

  Z : Um... a giant hole in the ground?

• General Mandible : [dismissing himself and Z]  I think it's time to debrief the soldier.

  Z : Please, General! Not on a first date!

• Z : Think about it, Bala. Do you really want to be Mrs. Raving Lunatic?

• Z : Let me ask you something - what made you come to the bar that night?

  Bala : I guess I was looking for a little trouble.

  Z : Well, trouble's my middle name. Actually, my middle name is Marion, but I don't want you spreading that around.

• Z : Let's be real about this. Bala and I... Bala is a princess, and I'm a soil relocation engineer.

• [Z, alone, watches ants dancing in unison in a nightclub] 

  Z : What a bunch of losers. Mindless zombies capitulating to an oppressive system.

  Princess Bala : Hi. Wanna dance?

  Z : ABSOLUTELY.

• [being shipped off to battle] 

  Z : You know, I think there's been a terrible mistake. Truth is, I just came for the speech.

• Z : Handling dirt is... ugh... is *not* my idea of a rewarding career.

• Z : Okay, I've gotta give myself a positive attitude. A good attitude even though I'm utterly insignificant. I'm, I'm insignificant... but with attitude.

• Z : This is just a lawsuit waiting to happen.

• Z : Yes, yes, I understand. I dropped the ball.

• Princess Bala : I sure hope you know what you're doing.

  Z : Yeah, me too.

• Z : So, how come I haven't seen you around here before?

  Bala : Oh, I don't get out much. I, uh... I work over at the palace.

  Z : The palace, huh? I bet those royals really live it up.

  Z : [whispers]  Of course, they're all a little, you know, from inbreeding.

  Bala : WHAT?

• [Z discovers Insectopia and heads towards it] 

  Bala : Stop! I order you to stop, worker!

  Z : Hey! I got a name, okay? It's Z! And out here, you can't order me around!

• Z : [about Barbatus]  And... you know, he just died in my arms like that. I... You know, I don't think he ever once, in his life, made his own choice.

  Bala : I never knew it was like that. I mean, up in the palace... Well, I guess we just let the General make all the decisions.

• [Z and Princess Bala have discovered a picnic blanket with food, thinking it is Insectopia, but find that they can't eat the plastic covered food] 

  Z : It seems to be covered by some kind of force field.