Men in Black II (2002)

Tony Shalhoub: Jeebs

Photos 

Quotes 

• Agent J : [after K shoots Jeebs in the head after being ejected from Jeebs' deneuralyzer]  You're back.

  Kevin Brown/K : No.

  Agent J : Then how did you know that his head would grow back?

  Kevin Brown/K : [surprised]  It grows back?

  Jeebs : [as his head grows back]  Real nice! But that's the last time I help out a friend!

  Agent J : Kay, do you remember anything?

  Kevin Brown/K : Goodbye.

  [walks away] 

  Agent J : Kay!

  Jeebs : K, wait! I never got the updated software!

  [to J] 

  Jeebs : Still workin' off the 6.0.

  [to K] 

  Jeebs : Your brain needs to reboot! Give it a minute.

  Agent J : Kay!

  Jeebs : From the bottom of my heart, Jay, I'm really sorry. I hope this doesn't affect our friendship. All those years of loyalty, trust, and respect for one another.

  [Serleena's minions sent to retrieve Kay burst in. Jay takes cover] 

  Jeebs : [pointing at Jay]  Right over there!

  Corn Face : Where's Kay?

  Jeebs : He's not here! He went...

  Agent J : [blows Jeebs' head off]  Kay is officially retired! I'm his trigger happy replacement! Something I can do for you gentlemen?

  Jeebs : [as his head grows back]  Oh, great! Right in the piehole! Now nothing's gonna taste right!

  Pineal Eye : Lower your weapon!

  Agent J : No!

  [the Mosh Tendrils jumps from behind Jay and throws him to the Corn Face alien, who throws Jay to the ground] 

  Scrad : Jay, how are you, boo-boo? Look, these guys really need Kay.

  Agent J : He's a neutral!

  Scrad : Tell me something we don't know.

  Charlie : [popping out of Scrad's backpack]  Yeah, tell me something we don't...

  [sneezes] 

  Charlie : I'm so sorry.

  Pineal Eye : God bless you.

  Charlie : Thank you.

  Scrad : Look, if I don't bring Kay back to MIB, Serleena's gonna kick my ass. Now, where is he?

  Agent J : Where's who?

  Corn Face : You don't look too good.

  Agent J : [punches the Corn Alien's mask off]  And you look like crap!

  [the Pineal Eye and Dog Crap alien laugh] 

  Agent J : [referring to the Dog Crap alien]  I take that back. HE look like crap.

  Pineal Eye : [continues to laugh, but stops]  BEND HIM!

  Scrad : Bend him.

  Agent J : Oh, damn, wait. Nah, don't bend him.

  [the Corn Face alien picks up Jay and starts bending him] 

• Jeebs : You remember me?

  Kevin Brown/K : Can't say I do. I'm pretty good with faces,

  [Points at Jeebs's nose] 

  Kevin Brown/K : I think I'd remember that.

  Jeebs : [Chuckles]  The great K is a neutral.

  Kevin Brown/K : You're standing between me and my memories, pal. You have this deneuralyzer thing or not?

  Jeebs : Mmm, no. Brushed out.

  [J and K stare at him] 

  Jeebs : Can't help you.

  [They continue staring] 

  Jeebs : Don't got it...

  [J and K continue to stare. Jeebs cracks] 

  Jeebs : Even if I did... If it doesn't work, K dies, you blow my head off! If it does work, I brought back K who, just for the fun of it, blows my head off! So, what's MY incentive?

  [K points his gun at Jeebs' head] 

  Jeebs : [weak laugh]  Okay homey, I keep it downstairs next to the snowblower.

  [K smiles, satisfied] 

• Jeebs : If I could have your attention while we go over the safety procedures. Please keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times, and if at any point you become disoriented, there's nothin' we can do about it.

  Jeebs : Now, have you removed all of your jewellery?

  [K stares at him, saying nothing] 

  Jeebs : Are you allergic to shellfish?

  Agent J : Jeebs!

  Jeebs : Right then! Smoke 'em if you got 'em!

  [Jeebs turns on and sets up his equipment] 

  Agent J : You ever used this thing before?

  Jeebs : I used the exhaust once to make some hot-air popcorn, that's about it.

  [K turns his head to look at Jeebs, startled] 

  Jeebs : OK! Let's make it happen, Cap'n!

• [the deneuralizer has just ejected K and thrown him across the room] 

  Jeebs : Perfect!