Under Wraps (1997 TV Movie)

Adam Wylie: Gilbert

Quotes 

• Gilbert : What does "celibate" mean?

  Amy : No chicks.

  Gilbert : Oh. I could never handle that.

  Amy : You'll get used to it.

• Gilbert : My mom collects antique dolls. That's perfectly normal. A lot of people collect dolls.

  Amy : Yeah, a lot of insane people.

  Gilbert : My mom's not insame.

  Amy : She takes her dolls to the movies.

  Gilbert : So? There's nothing wrong with that.

  Amy : She buys them popcorn.

  Gilbert : Once! She did that once!

• Amy : Get out of the way, Leonard. And take your blanket with you.

  Leonard : It's not a blanket, it's a rag! I carry it around in case I have to wipe up something.

  Amy : Oh, yeah, right, and I'm not wearing a bra, I'm wearing a bulletproof vest.

  Gilbert : You're wearing a bra?

  Amy : Oh, shut up.

• Marshall : Gilbert, it's a horror movie; what do you think happens? Horrible things!

  Gilbert : All right, I guess I juust don't like horror movies, I like nice happy movies, like "The Sound of Music".

  Marshall : You have got to be kidding.

  Gilbert : No it's great, there's singing and dancing, and Nazis. Well, the Nazis don't sing and dance, which would be great if they did. Anyway, Liesel, she's the oldest daughter... what a babe! Even when she's wearing those play clothes made from the curtains...

  Gilbert : Gilbert, you're starting to sound weird now!

  Marshall : Oh. OK.

• Gilbert : What should we call him?

  Amy : How about 'Mummy'?

  Marshall : How about Harold?

  Amy : Harold?

  Marshall : I don't know; he looks like my Uncle Harold.

  Amy : Geez, your aunt must be ready to open a vein!

• Amy : Mrs. Anderson?

  Gilbert's Mom : Call me Esmerelda.

  Amy : Her name's not Esmerelda.

  Gilbert : She's role-playing; go with it.

  Amy : 'Kay. Esmerelda?

  Gilbert's Mom : Yes?

  Amy : Marsh and I are going to get some ice cream. Can Gilbert come with us?

  Gilbert's Mom : Sure, just be back by 8:30.

• Gilbert : Wait a minute! If your mom's got the key, then how come we had to break into the basement?

  Amy : What fun is it to use a key?

  Marshall : Exactly.

• Marshall : I'm going to keep him.

  Amy : You can't keep him.

  Marshall : Well, we can't turn him in. They'll take him somewhere and experiment on him.

  Gilbert : What do you mean, experiment?

  Marshall : Cut him open, dissect him, pack him in formaldehyde.

  Gilbert : They will?

  Marshall : Of course, didn't you see "E.T."?

• Amy : So what movie are we going to see?

  Marshall : Warthead!

  Gilbert : You're crazy!

  Amy : You've seen it three times.

  Marshall : Four. And, you know, I learn more about the character every time.

  Amy : What's to learn? He's a monster. He eats people.

  Marshall : That is such a cultural stereotype.

• Amy : He's dead.

  Marshall : Who?

  Amy : Mr. Kubat.

  Marshall : We just saw him last Saturday!

  Amy : You want your peaches?

  Marshall : When did he die?

  Amy : A couple days ago. The meter man was reading his water meter and saw him through the window, sprawled out on the floor, covered in pancake batter.

  Gilbert : Poor guy, killed by pancake batter.

  Amy : Hello? He had a heart attack moron, he just happened to be making pancakes at the time.

  Gilbert : Still, what a way to go. One minute you're making yourself a hearty, nutritious breakfast and then bingo, lights out.

  Amy : Hey, he was old, organs fail, these things happen. What about you? Are you eating your peaches?

  Marshall : Here, eat all the peaches! I don't know how you can stand these things anyway, they're as hard as bricks.

  Amy : You just suck on them a while and they're okay.

• Amy : What did you see?

  Gilbert : A coffin, a big scary coffin!

  Amy : Oh, wow.

  Marshall : Cool!

  Gilbert : Yeah, REAL cool, especially when there's a hand sticking out of it!

  Amy : Oh, man!

  Marshall : Mr. Kubat must've killed somebody.

• Gilbert : [the kids hear the Mummy urinating in the next room]  Wow, he had to go!