Big Daddy (1999)

Dylan Sprouse: Julian 'Frankenstein' McGrath

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Julian : ...but I wipe my own ass, I wipe my own ass!

• [Julian and the Delivery Guy are learning how to read] 

  Julian : Electricity! Constitution! Philadelphia!

  Nazo : Fish! Pony! Hip, Hip Hop, Hip Hop anonymous? Damn you! You gave him the easy ones.

• [at McDonald's] 

  Sonny : Okay, what do you want?

  Julian : Cheerios.

  Sonny : Cheerios? They don't got Cheerios. What else?

  Julian : Lasagna.

  Sonny : Lasagna? What the hell is the matter with you? Um, we'll take hot cakes and sausage...

  Employee : Sorry, sir, we stopped serving breakfast.

  Sonny : What are you talking about? We're FOUR seconds late.

  Employee : No, you're 30 minutes and four seconds late. We stopped serving breakfast at 10:30.

  Sonny : Aw, HORSESHIT!

• Julian : But after my nap I always watch the Kangaroo Song.

  Sonny : It's overtime right now and there's a penalty shot about to take place. This happens about once every ten years so...

  Julian : Kangaroo song, kangaroo song, kangaroo song, KANGAROO SONG!

  Sonny : ALLLRRIIIGGGHTT! God you were normal yesterday!

• Sonny : [Julian is bouncing up and down in front of the TV on a rubber ball]  Hey.

  Julian : Hey!

  Sonny : You like hockey?

  Julian : You like hockey?

  Sonny : This is a big, important game.

  Julian : This is a big, important game!

  Sonny : Cut the crap.

  Julian : Cut the crap!

  Sonny : I'm being serious, don't do that.

  Julian : I'm being serious, don't do that!

  Sonny : [quickly]  How much wood would a wood chuck chuck, if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

  Julian : [stops bouncing] 

  Sonny : That's what I thought. Shut up.

  [Julian resumes bouncing in front of the TV] 

• Julian : I wipe my own ass.

  Nazo : Me too.

• Mr. Herlihy : Goddamn Jets!

  Waitress : Hey, cutie! What are you doing here?

  Julian : Watching football.

  Waitress : Oh yea, who do you want to win?

  Julian : The Goddamn Jets.

• Julian : [pointing to Vanessa's older lover]  Sonny, is that the man with the old balls?

• [discussing Julian's doll Scuba Steve] 

  Nazo : I had doll like that once. But my cat, he bite his head off!

  Julian : What kind of cat would do that?

  Nazo : You calling me a liar?

• [Julian is taking a leak] 

  Julian : How come you're not going?

  Sonny : Because I don't have to go. Only you and my grandfather go every thirty seconds.

• Sonny : Get cleaned up and we'll go to Barney's.

  Julian : Barney?

  Sonny : Not that Barney, a different Barney. A much more expensive Barney.

• Sonny : What do you eat?

  Julian : Food.

  Sonny : Oh yea? Well I eat food too.

• Julian : [after finding out he has to be taken from Sonny by the social services]  You don't want me here anymore?

  Sonny : [close to tears]  No, that's not it, pal. You just have to go away for awhile.

  Julian : How long am I going away for?

  Sonny : [trying not to cry]  I don't want to lie to you. I don't think we'll be seeing each other anymore. I screwed up, I'm so sorry. Come here, put your coat on. This is not your fault, okay? I'm the idiot

  Julian : I don't wanna go!

  Sonny : I know you don't, but you have to. You'll be okay, alright?

  Julian : [clings to Sonny]  Please don't make me go. I won't play the Kangaroo Song anymore.

  Sonny : I know buddy, that's not it.

  Julian : [as the social worker is dragging him out of the apartment]  Please, I promise! I'm sorry, I don't even like that song anymore! And I wipe my own ass! I wipe my own ass!

  Sonny : I know!

• [Sonny is dressed up as Scuba Sam] 

  Sonny : Hi, Julian! How ya doin'? I'm Scuba Sam, Scuba Steve's father. You see, my boy needs to take a bath, the only problem is he's afraid to bathe alone. So, I was wondering if you'd keep him company in the tub.Terrific, and after your bath, you need to try and study hard because if you want to be in the Scuba Squad, you have to be smart.

  Julian : I can be in the Scuba Squad?

  Sonny : Well sure! All you have to do is work hard and don't tell a soul about the Scuba Squad because then everybody's gonna wanna join! Oh, and one more thing! Be nice to the Delivery Guy, will ya? It's not his fault he can't read.

• [Ordering food] 

  Sonny : Julian, what do you want?

  Julian : Thirty packets of ketchup.

• [Sonny has left his apartment leaving Nazo in charge of Julian] 

  Julian : [jumping on the couch signing along to the kangaroo song]  Would you like to come and play? We'll hop, hop, hop, hop...

  Julian : [hits Nazo on the head with a paperback book]  ... WHAT DO YOU SAY?

  [the doorbell rings] 

  Nazo : Get the door!

  [Julian leaves to answer the door] 

• Sonny : [carrying a crying Julian out of McDonald's]  Total mind blower. Will you just relax? Here.

  [sets him down] 

  Sonny : What do you want me to do? What will cheer you up?

  Julian : [crying] 

  Sonny : You're gonna meet Vanessa tonight. You'll like her.

  Julian : [continues crying] 

  Sonny : You wanna see me get hurt? That'll cheer you up?

  Julian : [nodding] 

  Sonny : All right.

  [runs in front of a car and hits the hood, the horn blaring. He hits the ground] 

  Julian : [stops crying, wiping away his tears and begins to giggle] 

  Sonny : You think that's funny? Good. No more crying.

  Car Driver : [Gets out of vehicle]  Are you okay?

  Sonny : Next time, kill me.

• Julian : [after jumping around frantically to the Kangaroo song, Julian suddenly stops] 

  Sonny : Aww, what's wrong, are you all hopped out?

  Julian : [Julian suddenly throws up all the junk food he has been eating all over the floor]