The Pentagon Wars (1998 TV Movie)

Kelsey Grammer: General Partridge

Quotes 

• Major Sayers : The Brits did a study on aluminum.

  Col. J.D. Bock : That would be the same aluminum sheathing used on the Bradley, sir.

  Major Sayers : When hit by a shell, it has a tendency to burn, and when it burns it gives off a toxic gas.

  Major General Partridge : Goddamnit! We fought a revolution so we wouldn't have to pay any attention to the fucking British!

• Major General Partridge : Just because the tests didn't turn out the way Colonel Burton thought they would, was no reason to suspect there was anything devious going on.

  Madame Chairwoman : I ask you General, filling the fuel tanks with *water* before a test to check the combustibility of those tanks, that wasn't devious?

  Major General Partridge : If the tanks had been filled with fuel, there's a good chance the vehicle would have exploded.

  [Stunned silence] 

  Congressman #1 : ...Isn't that the point?

  Major General Partridge : If the vehicle had exploded, we wouldn't be able to run additional tests!

• Major General Partridge : [reading]  "The characterization noted in your draft, at best represents a serious misunderstanding of my concerns, especially in connection with a vehicle as flawed as the Bradley. As noted in my original report..."

  [laughs bitterly] 

  Major General Partridge : Jesus Christ! Who did this fucking thing go to?

  Col. J.D. Bock : The distribution page listed 198 names.

  Major General Partridge : COURT-MARTIAL THE SON OF A BITCH! LOCK HIM UP NOW!

  Col. J.D. Bock : Uh, we can't.

  Major General Partridge : WE SURE AS HELL CAN!

  Major Sayers : Burton's playing by the rules. His report was classified. He submitted it to you, you revised it, and sent it back to him. He wrote a memo on your revision which, in accordance with regulations, can be given to anyone involved with the Bradley, sir. In this case, 198 people!

  Major General Partridge : [after a shocked pause]  I will fucking kill him... I will filet him... I will draw and quarter him, I'll stick his head in a vice...!

  Col. J.D. Bock : We can't touch him, sir. It's by the book.

  Major General Partridge : Then you go back and find something in the goddamn book that will help me fry the little son of a bitch!

  [Partridge's aide enters] 

  Major General Partridge : What?

  Partridge's Aide : Sir, the Washington Post is on the phone.

  Col. J.D. Bock : Wow, that was fast. Leaks usually don't get to them 'til after lunch.

• Major General Partridge : [explaining why he was against Burton's tests]  I can't order up an unlimited number of Bradleys, just to blow them up! Unless, of course, you're telling me to spend more money, which I can't imagine you are.

  Madame Chairwoman : General, I believe there were attempts to make the Bradley amphibious?

  Major General Partridge : [after a pause]  Yes... although how that's relevant in any way, I fail to comprehend...

  Madame Chairwoman : How many Bradleys were lost during that phase, General?

  Major General Partridge : Lost?

  Madame Chairwoman : According to reports, four Bradleys sank during testing.

  Major General Partridge : Well, that's a matter of opinion.

  Madame Chairwoman : It's not "opinion," General. Four-of-them-sank.

  Major General Partridge : ...Technically, yes.

• Major General Partridge : I'm not going to sit here and tell you the Paveway never missed.

  Madame Chairwoman : It missed by a mean distance of five miles, and nearly fifty percent of the time.

  Major General Partridge : You know, in baseball, a guy that hits .400 is considered pretty damned great.

  Congressman #1 : In baseball, the losing team isn't killed by their opponents.

• Major General Partridge : But even a heat-seeking missile can miss a target.

  Madame Chairwoman : General, it says here that you taped electric hotplates to the surface of the vehicle to help your heat-seeking missile find its target, and that the surface temperature of the vehicle was so high it could have fried an egg at twenty feet!

• Congressman #1 : Did you, or did you not confront Colonel Burton at the Pentagon pharmacy and say to him:

  [reading] 

  Congressman #1 : "If I hear one more word about your - expletive deleted - report, you're gonna be sitting on your brains"?

  Major General Partridge : Does that sound like me, sir?

• [the budget of the entire Bradley project] 

  Major General Partridge : Fourteen.

  Madame Chairwoman : Million?

  Major General Partridge : [Under his breath]  Billion...

  Madame Chairwoman : What?

  Major General Partridge : Billion.

  Madame Chairwoman : Billion? With a "B"?

  Major General Partridge : With a "B".

• Major General Partridge : I think if would be simpler for me to clarify a few things right off the bat. By simple definition, we are in the business of winning wars. What else do you need an army for? Take the Cold War. We won, without firing a single shot. Why? One, we just flat-out out-spent them. The Russians couldn't shovel money into the fire faster than we could. Two, and this is where my command comes in, technology. No one shapes nature the way we do. We take atoms and molecules, and by the time we're finished with them, they're everything from combat boots to bombs, the kind of bombs no one from the other side will ever see until the damn thing's plowing down their chimney like Santa Claus from hell!

• Soldier : Sir, Major Sayers needs to see you in the library.

  Major General Partridge : Tell Major Sayers I'm busy.

  Soldier : But, sir, he told me to tell you that the little prick ordered tests on the Bradley.

  Major General Partridge : What? I'll have his ass in a sling so fast...

  Soldier : Whose ass, sir, Major Sayers or the little prick?

• Major General Partridge : Every other year, Congress decides we're spending too much money, a bunch of eggheads put their pointy little heads together and come up with a plan. This year it's the Joint Live-Fire Test Program. So now we've got the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines doing a circle-jerk over weapons testing, and you get to hold the big dick!

• Major General Partridge : We have had some spectacular successes.

  Congressman #1 : Such as?

  Major General Partridge : That's classified information!

• Major General Partridge : The Paveway is one hell of a bomb. Laser-guided, state-of-the-art.

  Madame Chairwoman : And it proved what? That we have an effective weapon as long as the enemy allows us to build a two-story crane over their tanks?

• Madame Chairwoman : Am I to understand you were not in favor of the tests Col. Burton proposed?

  Major General Partridge : Absolutely not.

  Madame Chairwoman : Absolutely not yes or absolutely not no?

  Major General Partridge : Absolutely not absolutely.

• Caspar Weinberger : I take it you've read today's Washington Post, referring to, quote, a "high-ranking Pentagon source"?

  Major General Partridge : Yes, indeed. And, like you, I am shocked that any officer within the Pentagon would...

  Caspar Weinberger : Leaks within the Pentagon, General, are how I get most of my information.

  Major General Partridge : Mr. Secretary, are you suggesting that the Pentagon has been less than forthcoming?

  Caspar Weinberger : "Less than forthcoming"? Then perhaps you can explain to me why I have to learn from the press, that the man in charge of testing the Bradley Fighting Vehicle has been fired!

• [Burton enters Partridge's office and salutes smartly. Without looking up, Partridge waits a few moments, then returns it] 

  Major General Partridge : Colonel Burton, I want you to write your report on the Bradley.

  Lt. Colonel James Burton : Sir, I was told that my job had been...

  Major General Partridge : Your job has been reinstated. I'd like your report on my desk by 0800 tomorrow morning.

  Lt. Colonel James Burton : Yes, sir.

  Major General Partridge : And Colonel, in case you are unaware, as per the military manual you will deliver your report to me and to me alone. Should so much as a single copy of your report be made public, I will bring you up on charges of willful subversion of military procedure, and have you court-martialed.

  [Burton salutes smartly again. After a few moments, Partridge returns it, and Burton walks out] 

• Major General Partridge : All right, let's just make the fuselage in Michigan and the landing gear in Mississippi! Yeah, by all means, let's keep Congressman Groves and his blood-sucking buddies happy!

• Major General Partridge : If the army acted on the advice of every Tom, Dick and Harry who had an opinion on these matters, we'd all end up with a bunch of B-52s powered by outboard motors.

• Major General Partridge : That's one way of looking at it.

• Caspar Weinberger : [Weinberger's phone buzzes]  Yes?

  Weinberger's Aide : Congressman Stratton is on the phone.

  Caspar Weinberger : [picks up]  Sam, what can I do for you? What article? Oh, that article! Yes... no, completely untrue, of course. File it under "creative journalism." I'm looking into it now, you'll be the first to know. Right... right. My best to Ellen.

  [hangs up] 

  Caspar Weinberger : General, I want a full update on the Bradley, and I want it in writing.

  Major General Partridge : Right away, sir.

  Caspar Weinberger : [points angrily at the phone]  *That* is the *last* call I expect to receive on this matter! From Congressman Stratton, or from anyone else on the Hill. Do I make myself clear, General?

  Major General Partridge : [smiling nervously]  Perfectly.

• Major General Partridge : Mr. Secretary, I believe the press is on a wild goose chase, looking for problems where none exist.

  Caspar Weinberger : Let's hope you're right, General. Because there are people in this administration who do have problems. Terrorists in Lebanon, and Colonel Kadafi in Libya, and Sandinistas in Nicaragua. And let's not forget our ongoing problems with the Soviet Union. Frankly, I don't appreciate calls from reporters and congressmen asking me why nothing we are working on works! And I can't answer them because the men in charge of developing these systems tell me everything is just peachy!

• Caspar Weinberger : General Cushing, are you having any problems with the Maverick Missile you're testing?

  General Cushing : [obviously lying through his teeth]  No, sir!

  Caspar Weinberger : Admiral Morehouse, any problems with the A-12?

  Admiral Morehouse : [just as obviously lying through his teeth]  None whatsoever, sir.

  Caspar Weinberger : General Partridge?

  Major General Partridge : Sir!

  Caspar Weinberger : Any problems with the Bradley?

  Major General Partridge : No, sir. Absolutely not.

  [Burton leans forward in his chair and starts to say something...] 

  Major General Partridge : [glaring at Burton]  Production is imminent!