Urban Legend (1998)

Michael Rosenbaum: Parker

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Parker : Please, Damon is the biggest practical joker I know. He once convinced a sophomore that he was the middle Hanson brother just so he could get laid.

• Parker : [into a phone]  Hello? Hello?

  Killer : [distorted voice]  You're gonna die tonight.

  Parker : [into the phone]  Oh, really? Let's see... this call is coming from inside this house. Could it be... an urban legend? Am I right?

  [pause] 

  Parker : Hello? Hey, don't get shy on me all of a sudden fuck-face. This is the one about the babysitter, right? She's getting those scary and harassing phone calls and when she traces them back, they are coming from inside the house. But asswipe, aren't you forgetting something? I'm not babysitting any kids!

  Killer : [voice]  Wrong legend! This is the one about the old lady who dries her wet dog in the microwave oven.

  [Parker suddenly turns back and looks towards the microwave oven that he doesn't remember being on] 

• Sasha : Parker, why do you always have to be such a jerk?

  Parker : I was just messing around.

  Sasha : Look, I'm gonna go to the radio station, okay?

  Parker : Hey. Who's my girl? Who's my girl?

  Parker : [Sasha blows him a kiss before leaving the party]  That's my girl!

• [to Natalie, Brenda, Paul, and Sasha] 

  Parker : Don't you guys get it? Come on, it's just like that urban legend.

  Natalie : What are you talking about?

  Parker : You know the story, A boy and a girl, parked out in the woods, making out...

  Brenda : [to Natalie]  You made out with him?

• Parker : [to Paul]  If we ever have another E. Coli crisis in the cafeteria, I want you to have the biggest, juiciest burger. My treat.

• Brenda : [after hearing about the news of Michelle Mancini's death by decapitation]  Hey, did anyone here know her? She roomed in Daly.

  Sasha , Parker : No.

  Brenda : [Natalie seems lost in thought. Brenda snaps her fingers]  Hello? Space cadet.

  Natalie : Oh, no. I didn't know her.

  Damon : Actually, you know, I did know her.

  Sasha : You did?

  Damon : Yeah, and I'll miss her, too. Girl gave great head.

• Natalie : Wait a second. Isn't there another legend about a guy with an axe in a woman's backseat?

  Sasha : Hello? My mom still checks the backseat before getting into her car.

  Natalie : That's how Michelle Mancini died.

  Brenda : Oh my God.

  Sasha : What are you trying to say, Natalie?

  Natalie : It's like someone out there is taking all these legends, and making them reality.

  Parker : [Sasha and Brenda seem momentarily worried for Natalie, but Parker seizes the moment]  Well, my big question is: what is he gonna do next, huh? Maybe put spider eggs in bubblegum? Or maybe ram a gerbil up a celebrity's ass?