- Ben Kurtzman: [voice-over at the end] Life is made up of a few big moments, and a lot of little ones. I still remember the first time I kissed Sylvia, or the last time I hugged my father before he died. And I still remember that white-bread sandwich and that blonde dancing girl with the cigarette pack on her thigh. But a lot of images fade, and no matter how hard I try, I can't get them back. I had a relative once who said that if I knew things would no longer be, I would have tried to remember better.
- Ada Kurtzman: How are the coloureds doing at school?
- Ben Kurtzman: Okay, they're doing okay. They're getting better grades than I am. The girl's pretty attractive.
- Ada Kurtzman: What?
- Ben Kurtzman: ...She's attractive.
- Ada Kurtzman: [angrily] Oh, just kill me now! Just kill me now!
- Ben Kurtzman: What are you talking about...
- Ada Kurtzman: What do you mean "she's attractive"?
- Ben Kurtzman: Pretty.
- Ada Kurtzman: Oh my God...
- Ben Kurtzman: Mom, I said she was attractive, that doesn't necessarily mean I'm attracted to her!
- Ada Kurtzman: [about Ben's Halloween costume dressed as Hitler] Your father says you're not going out dressed that way.
- Ben Kurtzman: And I'm not changing.
- Ada Kurtzman: He says he's not changing.
- Nate Kurtzman: I wanna talk to Hitler.
- Ada Kurtzman: He has a swastika on his arm and big black boots! He's wearing big black boots! He came down the stairs in them with swastikas all over!
- Nate Kurtzman: Put the Führer on the phone!
- Ada Kurtzman: Your father wants to talk to you. Sorry!
- Ben Kurtzman: [to his friends] You guys can go without me. Yeah, I'm having Halloween here.
- Nate Kurtzman: The government doesn't know from shit. They integrate the golf courses in '51, and schools in '54. Where's their priorities?
- Louie: They integrated the cricket field in Clifton Park back in '50. Can't find a colored person who plays cricket.
- Pete, Nate's Assistant: I beg to differ. That was part of the separate but equal ruling. The coloreds could only play cricket on Tuesdays.
- Louie: You can't find a colored person who wants to play cricket on Tuesday, Wednesday, or Kiss-My-Tuchis-Day.
- Charlie, Nate's Assistant: For that matter, you can't find a white person who wants to play cricket. What is it with that game? It makes no sense. How many players do you need there? What do they use, a mallet or something?
- Pete, Nate's Assistant: Isn't that the one with the hoops?
- Charlie, Nate's Assistant: That's croquet.
- Louie: Nah, croquet is something you eat.
- Nate Kurtzman: Everything is something you eat.
- Louie: No, I saw it here on the menu.
- [after Trey has crashed his car]
- Ted: This is very unfortunate.
- Trey Tobelseted: You know, it's obvious the smiling pumpkins distracted me.
- Dubbie the Blonde: Do you speak french?
- Van Kurtzman: No. Do you?
- Dubbie the Blonde: Yes. Not as well as my father's boyfriend. But then again, he is French.
- Guy: So where are you from?
- Alan Joseph Zuckerman: Forest Park.
- Guy: [surprised] Forest Park?
- Alan Joseph Zuckerman: Yeah, off Liberty Heights.
- Guy: That's, uh, Jewish, right?
- Alan Joseph Zuckerman: [nervous pause] Damn near, yeah... Seems, uh, more's moving in too, y'know? So it's really... it's really getting that way.
- Ben Kurtzman: By the way, where's the jawbone of the ass?
- Ada Kurtzman: What?
- Ben Kurtzman: The jawbone of the ass, where is it?
- Grandma Rose: Is he crazy? What kind of talk is this?
- Van Kurtzman: [walks in] Your ass does not have a jawbone.
- Ben Kurtzman: Well, Samson slew the Philistines with the jawbone of an ass!
- Ada Kurtzman: Not your ass, an animal!
- Ben Kurtzman: [shocked] There's an animal called an "ass"?
- Grandma Rose: [frowning] Such a mouth...
- Ben Kurtzman: Look, I loved 'Samson and Delilah'. I hope they bring that movie back.
- Ben Kurtzman: [impersonating] "... and he slew *hundreds* with the jawbone of an ass!"
- Van Kurtzman: What, you believe this stuff?
- Ben Kurtzman: I don't know.
- Ada Kurtzman: What do you mean you don't know? It's in the Bible!
- Van Kurtzman: Oh, so that makes it true?
- Ada Kurtzman: It's the Bible! A story.
- Van Kurtzman: Yeah, a true story?