Sam and Max Hit the Road (1993 Video Game)
Bill Farmer: Sam, Psychic, Flambe, Vanuatoo
Quotes
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[after confronting, subduing, and pummeling the mad scientist]
Max : He's not a real guy, Sam! Can I keep his head for a souvenir? Why do you suppose its ticking?
Sam : That's no head, Max! It's one damned ugly timebomb! Let's leave this criminal cesspool pronto!
Max : Good idea, Sam. Maybe we can ditch the head somewhere while the credits are running. Mind if I drive?
Sam : Not if you don't mind me clawing at the dash and shrieking like a cheerleader.
Max : Sam, is "pronto" a real word?
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[Reading Fun Facts about the Ball of Twine]
Sam : "If laid out from end to end, the twine would stretch from here to the far side of Jupiter. Also, scientists predict that by 2053 the sheer weight of the ball will push Earth out of its orbit, on a collision course with the sun."
Max : Good thing my life expectancy's only six years.
Sam : Way to take the short view, little buddy.
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[Sam's DeSoto crashes through the wall of the scientist laboratory, Sam and Max step out]
Sam : Hello.
Max : This don't look like the Lincoln Tunnel, Sam.
Sam : Looks to me like we've got a marginally volatile hostage situation here, Max.
Max : Oohh! Does this mean we get to kick some puffy, white mad scientist butt?
Sam : Can't think of a reason not to.
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Bigfoot Chief : You boys should be proud of what you've accomplished here today.
Sam : You mean the wholesale destruction of 100 years of civilization in the western United States? You bet we are!
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Sam : You know, Max, I can't help but think that we have may have tampered with the fragile inner workings of this little spaceship we call Earth.
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Sam : Excuse me. We need some help, and although you seem dangerously unequipped brain-wise, we've come to you for advice.
Carnie : Huh?
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Max : Sam, either termites are burrowing through my skull, or one of us is ticking.
Sam : Oops, oh yeah.
[pulls out the scientist's head, which is a bomb]
Sam : Max, where should I put this so it doesn't hurt anyone we know or care about?
Max : Out the window, Sam. There's nothing but strangers out there.
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Sam : Hey Sam, I mean Max.
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Sam : [Speaking to a hotel concierge] You know, you look just like Evelyn Morrison; famed B-movie star
Evelyn Morrison : I AM Evelyn Morrison, you cur!
Sam : Actually I'm more of an Irish Wolfhound than a cur... I've seen all your movies!
Max : My favorite was "Robot Terror From Beyond the Galaxy"
Sam : Is that the one where the alien says "Klaatu barada nikto"?
Max : No, that's "Vampires In Prison"
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Sam : I haven't seen that much twine since that night in Tokyo in '68.
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[after looking through the mounted binoculars at the top of the World's Largest Ball of Twine]
Sam : I'm sure this thing is somehow useful, but I'll be damned if I know how.
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Sam : I hope you know that watching too much TV is super bad for the eyes.
Dug, the Moleman : Why do all you poorly-focused, squishy blobs say that?
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Sam : [at the World's Biggest Ball of Twine] It's things like this that make me wish I were Canadian.
Curator : They've got one of these too, but half of it's French.
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Sam : Your sadism is a credit to your profession.
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Max : Jeez, that certainly took long enough!
Sam : Shut up, Max. I hate that game.
Max : Is that because you're a lousy golfer?
Sam : You're an irritable little bunny today, aren't you?
Max : Yeah, well why don't you try sitting in this smelly booth while I beat the hell out of helpless fish? Did I mention what a lousy golfer you were?
Sam : Maybe I should just leave you in there.
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Sam : So what kind of handicap does your average bigfoot have?
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Sam : Goodbye you nutsy, primitive, man-beast, you.
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Sam : I have this sudden craving for an umbrella drink.
Evelyn Morrison : Evelyn Morrison's Jungle Inn has the greatest umbrella drinks in the world, with over two hundred and thirty-seven kinds of rum.
Max : All in just ONE drink? Which way to the bar!
Sam : Take it easy, Max; you don't even drink.
Max : Oh, yeah. The toucan must've put words into my mouth.