- Jackie Gleason: [at the end of each show] The Miami Beach audience is the greatest audience in the world!
- Ralph Kramden: [visiting in Ireland] You know, I never knew that Jackie Gleason was Irish.
- Ed Norton: Oh yeah, I knew it. I read it in a TV magazine once. His whole family came over from Ireland during the potato famine.
- Ralph Kramden: Oh.
- Ed Norton: In fact, I think they caused it!
- Ralph Kramden: That Gleason is a little chubby, isn't he?
- Ed Norton: Oh, he certainly is.
- [laughs]
- Ralph Kramden: That Art Carney put on a few pounds too, you know.
- Ralph Kramden: [rehearsing a TV commercial in England] And I say, "Oh, it is my good wife, Lady Penelope Farthingay, Duchess of Rathbone. Blimey, you look lovely."
- Alice Kramden: "Blimey"?
- Ralph Kramden: That's right, "blimey". That's the way all of those high-falutin' English talk. They use words like "blimey", "tally-ho", "yoicks"...
- Alice Kramden: If you ask me, we're the "yoicks" for doing this.
- Milton Berle: [during a 1969 curtain call] You look fantastic.
- Jackie Gleason: Let me tell you what happened. I dropped 60 pounds.
- Milton Berle: On whom?