Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo (1999)

William Forsythe: Detective Chuck Fowler

Photos 

Quotes 

• Detective Fowler : Do the letters T and J mean anything to you?

  Deuce Bigalow : I don't know. Turkey Jizz?

• Detective Fowler : You know anything about this?

  [unzips his pants] 

  Detective Fowler : Look. See that red spot over there? That wasn't there this morning. I checked. You know what it is?

  Deuce Bigalow : Maybe it's a rash. Something you got from jogging. How the hell do I know? Get it away from me.

• Detective Fowler : You better show some respect, or I'm gonna rip that little pleasure-giving tongue right out of your head! One more thing

  [drops his pants] 

  Detective Fowler : I was at the precinct and I really had to use the John. And it's pretty filthy in there and I was in kind of a hurry, and I didn't have time to use one of those, you know, paper ass gaskets. I was doing my business, and something sort of splashed up on me, all over. What do you do in situations like that? You think I'll be alright?

  Deuce Bigalow : I think you're pretty safe.

  Detective Fowler : I'd better be!

• Deuce Bigalow : If man-whoring has taught me anything, it's that most women are as unhappy with their entire body as you are with your small penis.

  Detective Fowler : Thin penis.

  Deuce Bigalow : Whatever. While you're worried about your penis...

  Detective Fowler : Thin penis.

  Deuce Bigalow : Women are worried about their height, their weight, their giant feet, the stream of obscenities that could burst through their mouth at any second. If you make a woman feel good about herself, it really doesn't matter what's wrong with you.

  Detective Fowler : Even if it's really really thin? We're talkin' spaghetti stick.

• Detective Fowler : [about his penis]  I'm telling you if you painted it silver and twisted the end, it'd look like a kickstand.

• Detective Fowler : Listen up, man-whore. I oughta bust you right now!

  Deuce Bigalow : We just had sushi!

  Detective Fowler : "Sushi?" Is that what they call it nowadays? I'm hip to your man-whore slang. All right, fine. Why don't I just go have a chat with your spicy tuna roll?