The Broken Hearts Club: A Romantic Comedy (2000)

Timothy Olyphant: Dennis

Photos 

Quotes 

• Kevin : So, what - you're not attracted to me?

  Dennis : Of course I'm attracted to you. I've been crazy about you ever since you lit the candles. Kevin, you were the wish.

• Dennis : I can't decide if my friends are the best or worst thing that ever happened to me.

• Howie : Look! Benji's talking to Idaho Guy!

  Dennis : Who?

  Howie : Idaho Guy. He's Benji's newest crush. Benji's been working out near him for weeks in hopes that Idaho Guy would notice.

  Dennis : Why do you call him Idaho Guy?

  Patrick : I don't know. He just kind of... looks like he's from Idaho. It's not one of our better ones.

• Dennis : Benji, there isn't a straight man in America who doesn't refer to anyone but his girlfriend as 'girlfriend'.

  Benji : I know, but I was so butch when I said it.

• Dennis : Oh, everyone gets dumped first time around. It's the rule of all newbie relationships.

  Kevin : What happens next? Do I become like you and your friends?

  Dennis : You don't even know my friends.

  Kevin : Yeah, I know them well enough to know that you're just a bunch of bitter, jaded...

  Dennis : Fags? Go ahead and say it.

  Kevin : [overtalking Dennis]  I wasn't gonna say it. I wasn't gonna say that.

  Dennis : You should. Maybe then you'd be less afraid of what it means.

  Kevin : Why can't everything just slow down?

  Dennis : I promise, it will. But you can't go back now. At least go have a cup of coffee with me?

  Kevin : One condition.

  Dennis : What?

  Kevin : West Hollywood's that way.

  [points] 

  Kevin : Show me one thing you find interesting that way.

  [points in other direction] 

• Dennis : [Cole and Kevin are making out behind the bleachers]  Cole...

  Cole : [holds finger up as they continue making out] 

  Dennis : You're up in 2.

  Cole : Oh. Thanks Den.

  [leaves] 

  Dennis : [approaches Kevin]  Hey.

  Kevin : Hey.

  Dennis : So, still deciding if you're gay?

• Cole : Thank God you're home.

  Dennis : Thanks to Mufasa here, it's now a Tunisian hut.

  Taylor : Why do I even try?

• Taylor : I hear Kip Rodgers is a big fag.

  Dennis : Kip Rodgers is not gay, he's married.

  Taylor : Oh please, that's right up there with "He's not gay, he's in a fraternity."

• Dennis : You like The Carpenters.

  Kevin : Oh, insanely.

  Dennis : Well, here's to your first OGT. Obviously Gay Trait. Mine are: love of The Carpenters, culinary interests, and intense fear of blood sports.

• Dennis : Thanks Betty, you always know just what to say.

  Betty : [not having spoken]  It's a gift.

• Kevin : You scared me.

  Dennis : It's my house, I'm allowed to do that.

• Kevin : I don't get you guys. Is that all you do, you just sit around and talk about guys?

  Dennis : Either that, or we talk about guys.

• Dennis : Where is my living room?

  Taylor : Oh it's still here, I just shifted it around a little.

  Dennis : No, this is YOUR living room. You didn't shift my living room around, you shifted my living room out and your living room in. So, where is my living room?

  Taylor : Distributed evenly around the house.

  Dennis : Distribute it back.

  Taylor : It took me all day!

  Dennis : So now you'll be done in time to set your curlers for bed.

  Taylor : Okay Dennis, look at it this way: a new furniture arrangement is like a new hairstyle, you have to live with it for a few days before you can tell whether you really like it or not.

  Dennis : That is not true. I haven't had a shag, but I wouldn't have to live with one for a few days to know that I don't want one.

• Dennis : You told them!

  Kevin : It just kind of slipped out. My mom said she made some key lime pie, and I said 'great, I love key lime pie... and I'm gay'.

  Dennis : I bet she wishes she made apple pie instead.

• Dennis : If Larry Kramer knew this is how gay men in America spent their time, he'd defect.

  Howie : He probably would.

  Patrick : Larry Kramer can blow me.

  Howie : He probably would.

• Dennis : [to Howie after Purple Guy gives a beautiful eulogy for Jack]  I know why Jack was with him.

• Dennis : Is that the girl from 'Young and the Restless'?

  Howie : I'm so over Y&R.

• Dennis : I thought my mom would be cooler, she was a 60's love child. When she caught me smoking pot with my friends all she said was 'I hope you didn't pay market for that'. But when I told her I was gay she didn't speak to me for a month.

  Kevin : How is she now?

  Dennis : Better. She still refers to the homosexual community as 'The Gays', like they live on her block.

  [in a feminine voice] 

  Dennis : 'Dennis, I heard The Gays had a parade... did you go'?

• Dennis : You're right, it looked lonely.

• Dennis : Ice.

  Dennis : Yes, there is... ice *and*... I will go get it.