The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)

Alec Baldwin: Narrator

Quotes 

• [Royal's fake terminal illness has been exposed and he is being thrown out of the house] 

  Royal : Look, I know I'm going to be the bad guy on this one, but I just want to say the last six days have been the best six days of probably my whole life.

  Narrator : Immediately after making this statement, Royal realized that it was true.

• Narrator : All memory of the brilliance of the young Tenenbaums had been erased by two decades of betrayal, failure and disaster.

• Young Chas Tenenbaum : [about Margot's play]  Well, what'd you think, Dad?

  Royal : Didn't seem believable to me.

  [to Eli] 

  Royal : Why are you wearing pajamas? Do you live here?

  Young Richie Tenenbaum : He has permission to sleep over.

  Young Chas Tenenbaum : Well, did you at least think the characters were well developed?

  Royal : What characters? This is a bunch of little kids dressed up in animal costumes.

  Young Margot Tenenbaum : Good night, everyone.

  Royal : Well, sweetie, don't be mad at me. That's just one man's opinion.

  [Margot gets up and gathers her presents just as Ethel comes in with the birthday cake and everyone starts singing Happy Birthday, which trails off as she leaves the room. Ethel glares at Royal] 

  Narrator : He had not been invited to any of their parties since.

• [last lines] 

  [the family is gathered at the cemetery] 

  Narrator : Among the few possessions he left to his heirs was a set of Encyclopedia Britannica in storage at the Lindbergh Palace Hotel under the names Ari and Uzi Tenenbaum. No-one spoke at the funeral, and Father Petersen's leg had not yet mended, but it was agreed among them that Royal would have found the event to be most satisfactory.

  [Chas, now wearing a blac Adidas tracksuit, nods to his sons] 

  Ari : Fire!

  [Ari and Uzi, also in black Adidas tracksuits, fire their air rifles into the air] 

  Ari : Fire!

  [they fire again] 

• Narrator : Margot Tenenbaum was adopted at age 2. Her father had always noted this when introducing her.

  Royal : [at a dinner party]  This is my adopted daughter, Margot Tenenbaum.

• [first lines] 

  Narrator : Royal Tenenbaum bought the house on Archer Avenue in the winter of his 35th year. Over the next decade, he and his wife had three children, and then they separated.

• [During a war game with BB guns] 

  Royal : [on top of a roof, aiming at Chas]  Hold it Chassie. Hold it right there.

  Young Chas Tenenbaum : What are you doing? You're on my team!

  Royal : Ha-ha! There are no teams!

  [he shoots at Chas, hitting his hand. Chas screams in pain and shoots back at him. Royal laughs as he ducks out of the way] 

  Narrator : The BB was still lodged between two knuckles in Chas's left hand.