Mr. Deeds (2002)

Andy Kreiss: Shareholder

Quotes 

• Longfellow Deeds : You, sir. What did you want to be when you grew up?

  Shareholder : I wanted to be veterinarian.

  Longfellow Deeds : Cool. Why did you want to do that?

  Shareholder : I wanted to help sick animals.

  Longfellow Deeds : And what do you do now?

  Shareholder : I own a chain of slaughterhouses.

  Longfellow Deeds : Kind of went the other way on that one.

  Longfellow Deeds : Anyone else?

  Shareholder : I wanted to be a magician!

  Longfellow Deeds : What do you do now?

  Shareholder : I operate a pornographic website.

  Longfellow Deeds : I guess that makes people happy too, in a much grosser way.

• Longfellow Deeds : I bet if we ran into the sixth grade version of ourselves, they'd give us wet willies and put bubble gum in our hair for even thinking about doing this.

  Shareholder : He's right! I would've beaten my greedy ass red!

  Shareholder : I would've thrown myself off the merry-go-round.

  Shareholder : I would've duct tape myself naked to a chair and burnt myself with lit cigarettes.

  Longfellow Deeds : Did anyone dream of becoming a psychiatrist? Just kidding.