Dog Soldiers (2002)
Darren Morfitt: Spoon
Photos
Quotes
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[to attacking werewolf]
Spoon : I hope I give you the shits, you fucking wimp.
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Cooper : Werewolves spend most of their time in human form, right? And the only people for miles around live right here.
Spoon : So these things aren't about to give up the fight and go home...
Cooper : They ARE home.
Sgt. Harry Wells : Yeah, that makes perfect sense. I mean, think about it. We bust into their house, we eat all their porridge, we sleep in their fucking beds. No wonder they're pissed.
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Cooper : Go on then Bruce, what scares you?
Bruce : The self-destructive nature of the human condition.
Spoon : You're just taking the piss now.
Cooper : What about you, Spoon?
Spoon : Castration.
Cooper : There's no argument there. Joe?
Joe : Only one thing guaranteed to put the shits up me: a penalty shoot-out.
Cooper : Figures. Terry?
Terry : Watching a penalty shoot-out... with Joe.
Bruce : What about you, Coop?
Cooper : Spiders. And women. And... spider-women.
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Spoon : So this bloke walks into a pub right, with a little dog under his arm. Puts it down on the bar, goes and sits down. The bar-tender's lookin' at him thinking "what the fuckin' hell's goin' on here?". Then he looks back at the dog, and to his surprise the dog turns around and...
[Dead cow drops into camp]
Cooper : Fuckin' cow.
Spoon : Fuckin' hell.
[Terry fires at it]
Wells : Cease fire, Terry. Cease fire.
Joe : Terry, what the hell are you doin'? You're firing blanks man.
Wells : Is everyone all right? Is everyone OK?
Spoon : Nah, man, I think I've shit meself.
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[Homage to 3 Little pigs & The Shining]
Spoon : Little pigs, little pigs, we've come to nick ya video.
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[Joe watching the cow roasting on the fire]
Joe : Is anyone else thinking what I'm thinking?
Bruce : You are joking aren't you?
Spoon : You fuckin' animal.
Joe : Yea, you're all thinking the same thing aren't you?
Spoon : Mmmm.
Joe : Right lads, how do ya like your steak done?
Wells : You bunch of dirty bloody savages. You lot make me sick. God.
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Spoon : [walking upstairs upon first entering the house] Little pigs, Little pigs, we've come to nick your video.
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Joe : This is bone. This is so fucking bone.
Cooper : Anything else?
Megan : Yeah. What does 'bone' mean?
Spoon : Bone; Bollocks, naff.
Joe : Not. Very. Good.
Megan : Right. Anything else I should know?
Cooper : Call signs. You need to be specific. Upstairs you've got Sergeant Wells who you seem to know inside and out by now. Over there you've got Spoon, the vomiting cavalier is Terry, and the big guy with the axe is Joe.
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Wells : All right, then, time sync. I got zero-seven-thirty coming up in three... two... one... check.
Spoon : Oh, bollocks, I don't believe this.
Wells : What is it now, Witherspoon?
Spoon : Left me watch at the barracks, Sarge.
Wells : Take a breather every once in a while, son, you'll live longer.
Terry : Nice work, Spoon, you tosser.
Joe : Took the words right out of my mouth.
Spoon : And you'll be taking my boot out your mouth in a minute, Joe, you baldy twat.
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[Throwing various kitchen utensils at attacking werewolf]
Spoon : Yea? Yea? You want some? Here we go. Yea? See if you're fuckin' hard. If you're so fuckin' hard... you throw a punch like a wimp. Fucking bastard. C'mon. C'mon. Bring it on. All right you...
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[Wells gives Spoon his watch]
Sergeant Wells : Just cause its nice and new and shiny doesn't mean its worth shit. Now remember I want that back.
Spoon : What about you Sarge?
Sergeant Wells : Well I'll count, wont I?
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[Joe's complaining about the quality of the food]
Joe : I'm sick of this pre-packed dog shite.
Bruce : If it's not one thing, it's another, eh Joe?
Spoon : I know, you're like a bear with a sore head.
Terry : Thanks to Cooper's fancy footwork.
Cooper : Yeah, sorry about that Joe. How's your head doing?
Joe : Still in one piece. Knock on wood.
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Joe : Come on then Bruce, man. Lets hear the result on the radio.
Bruce : Why do you keep torturing yourself?
Joe : We might've slaughtered them.
Bruce : Yeah, then again, you might not.
Terry : We all wanna know the results Joe. We just enjoy watching you suffer.
Joe : Laugh. I nearly split my sides.
Spoon : Yeah, well there's no point tearing your hair out about it Joe... oops, sorry mate, too late.