Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002)

Michael Caine: Nigel Powers

Photos 

Quotes 

• Nigel Powers : There are only two things I can't stand in this world: People who are intolerant of other people's cultures, and the Dutch.

• Nigel Powers : Easy peasy, lemon-squeasy. What, is this your first day on the job or something? Look, this is how it goes; You try to attack me, one at a time, and I knock you both out with a single punch. Ready? Go!

  [Dr. Evil's henchmen do exactly as he predicted] 

  Nigel Powers : Judo chop. Judo chop.

  Dr. Evil : Oh, he's good.

  Henchman Sailor : [approaches warily] 

  Nigel Powers : Do you know who I am?

  Henchman Sailor : [nods] 

  Nigel Powers : Have you got any idea how many anonymous henchmen I've killed over the years?

  Henchman Sailor : [nods again] 

  Nigel Powers : I mean, look at you. You don't even have a name tag. You've got no chance. Why don't you just fall down?

  [henchman falls down] 

• Austin Powers : Your spy car's a Mini?

  Nigel Powers : It's not the size mate, it's how you use it.

• Nigel Powers : [rubs throat]  Ow...

  Austin Powers : What's wrong with your neck?

  Nigel Powers : I took a Viagra, got stuck in me throat, I've had a stiff neck for hours.

  Nigel Powers , Austin Powers : I thank you!

• Nigel Powers : Got an issue? Here's a tissue.

• Nigel Powers : All right Goldmember. Don't play the laughing boy. There's only two things I hate in this world: people who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch.

  Goldmember : What? Take the fahza away! Dutch hater. And now, it is time to say goodbye. Dr. Evil's orders. Which, for you, is Bad News Bears.

  [mutters] 

  Goldmember : Walter Matthau.

• Nigel Powers : So, little fella, I'm curious. Is everything in proportion?

  Mini-Me : [Mini-Me nods unsure] 

  Nigel Powers : You know, your bobby dangler, giggle stick, your general-two-colonels, master of ceremonies... Yeah, don't be shy, let's have a look.

  Mini-Me : [Mini-Me unzips his pants] 

  Nigel Powers : My lord! You're a tripod. What you been feeding that thing, eh? It looks like a baby's arm holding an apple. Good thing is, if you ever get tired, you can use it as a kickstand!

  Mini-Me : [Mini-Me nods, smiling] 

• Austin Powers : Listen, dad, if you are going to say naughty things in front of these American girls, then at least speak English.

  Nigel Powers : All right, my son. I could've had it away with this cracking Julie, my old China.

  [I was about to make love to this pretty girl] 

  Austin Powers : Are you telling a bunch of pork-pies and a bag of trout? Because if you are feeling quigly, why not just have a J. Arthur?

  [Is this true? If you were aroused, why didn't you pleasure yourself?] 

  Nigel Powers : What, billy no mates?

  [What, alone?] 

  Austin Powers : Too right, youth.

  [Indeed] 

  Nigel Powers : Don't you remember the crimbo din-din we had with the grotty Scots bint?

  [Remember Christmas dinner with the Scottish girl?] 

  Austin Powers : Oh, the one that was all sixes and sevens!

  [the insane one?] 

  Nigel Powers : Yeah, yeah, she was the trouble and strife of the Morris dancer what lived up the apples and pears!

  [She was the wife of the dancer who lived upstairs] 

  Austin Powers : She was the barrister what become a bobby in a lorry and...

  [a lawyer who became a policeman in a truck] 

  Austin Powers : [complete gibberish] 

  [?] 

  Austin Powers : ...

  Austin Powers , Nigel Powers : --tea kettle!

  Nigel Powers : And then, and then...

  Austin Powers , Nigel Powers : She shat on a turtle!

• Nigel Powers : Blimey! I thought I smelled cabbage.

• Nigel Powers : [referring to Dr. Evil]  I have to protect my son.

  Austin Powers : Dr. Evil's not your son! I am!

  Nigel Powers : You both are.

• Goldmember : Look. My vinky was a key.

  Nigel Powers : Only a bloody Dutchman...