Shanghai Knights (2003)
Jackie Chan: Chon Wang
Photos
Quotes
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Chon Wang : The English are not very friendly.
Roy : They're just sore losers.
Chon Wang : What did they lose?
Roy : A little thing called the American Revolution, Chon.
Chon Wang : Never heard of it.
Roy : I'll give you the highlights. They came over with about a million men. We had a bunch of farmers with pitchforks and beat 'em like a drum.
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Roy : Chon, I have a confession to make.
Chon Wang : You are in love with my sister?
Roy : Well, that, but I didn't lose all the money on the zeppelins.
Chon Wang : No?
Roy : Nah. I blew most of it on the Roy O'Bannon novels. I wrote them.
Chon Wang : No, Sage McCallister wrote them.
Roy : That's what I'm saying, buddy. I'm Sage McCallister.
Chon Wang : You wrote those lies?
Roy : I've always had low self-esteem.
Chon Wang : How many books did you print?
Roy : I self-published probably a million copies. We were actually second to the Bible that year.
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Fagin #1 : Come here, you little rubbish eater! What did I tell you about poncing on our turf, Charlie?
Charlie Chaplin : I'm on the straight and narrow, honest!
Fagin #1 : [frisks Charlie and finds Roy's watch] What's this, then?
[Charlie rolls his eyes]
Fagin #1 : After I'm through beating you, you're gonna wish you *never* ran away from the workhouse!
Chon Wang : Leave the boy alone!
Fagin #2 : Bloody tourists. Get your noses out of it!
Roy O'Bannon : Guys, do whatever you want to the kid, but that's my watch you're holding.
Fagin #1 : Well, there's a *load* of us and only two of you, so piss off!
Roy O'Bannon : Easy, fellas. You've lost *one* war this way. Don't make the same mistake twice.
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Chon Wang : You know what I call him? Not Roy O'Bannon. Roy O'Boloney!
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Roy : There's this new thing they're starting out in California: moving pictures. There's no sound, so we won't have to worry about the language problem, and I think the kung fu stuff could be huge! People are dying for a good action flick.
Chon Wang : Chon Wang...
[sounds like "John Wayne"]
Chon Wang : ...movie star? It could work.
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[Handing Doyle Roy's watch]
Chon Wang : What else can you tell?
Doyle : The owner of this watch is a bad gambler and a lousy shot. Although he's cheated death several times, he spends most of his life wandering in a rather pathetic and futile search for purpose and respect... oh, yes. He has a penchant for loose women.
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Charlie Chaplin : [reading an invitation] "Lord Nelson Rathbone requests the pleasure of your company at a gala affair celebrating her Majesty's 50th year on the throne."
Chon Wang : Sounds good.
Roy : Yeah, it doesn't address the issue of security. They're not just gonna let me and Chon waltz into the castle.
Charlie Chaplin : All you need is a proper disguise.
Roy : I do like a good disguise...
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[last lines in outtakes]
Chon Wang : Roy! Roy! My ass is on fire.
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Chon Wang : Who loves you, baby?
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Chon Wang : It's a puzzle box. I don't know how to open it.
Roy : What do you mean, you don't know how to open it? You just get a hammer and smash it open so you can see what it says.
Chon Wang : No. I must have patience. By the time I'm able to open it, I will be ready to read the message.
Roy : Oh, come on, Confucius, that's the corniest thing I've ever heard!
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Chon Wang : Roy come on!
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Chon Wang : Wu Chow.
Roy O'Bannon : Wu who?
Chon Lin : He's the Emperor's bastard brother.
Chon Wang : He was banished from the Forbidden City for trying to steal the Imperial Seal.
Chon Lin : After Father caught him, he vowed to return to claim the Emperor's tomb.
Roy O'Bannon : This guy?
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Chon Wang : There's a woman in there! She wants me to sleep with her!
Roy O'Bannon : Of course she does. I told her the Great Wall ain't the *only* big thing coming out of China.
Chon Wang : Why did you say that?
Roy O'Bannon : So you can get the money.
Chon Wang : I will *not* sleep with women for money!
Roy O'Bannon : Why? I'm gonna sleep with *her* for money.
[shows Chon the woman in his bed]
Roy O'Bannon : Chon, just go in there and do your business, and think about your sister in England.
Chon Wang : What?
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[Chon and Roy enter the lobby; Roy whistles, then gasps and drags Chon back around the corner]
Roy O'Bannon : [whispering] Cops, cops.
Chon Wang : They can help us.
Roy O'Bannon : No, no, no, no, Chon! Chon, not these cops. These are dirty cops. They take advantage of people. Now, if they stop us, remember, I'm *not* Roy O'Bannon.
Chon Wang : [confused] Who *are* you?
Roy O'Bannon : I'm your friend, Smokey Desperado from the West.
Chon Wang : And who am *I*?
Roy O'Bannon : You? You're Benny Hana.
Chon Wang : Benny Hana.
Roy O'Bannon : Yeah, you teach, uh, you teach crippled children yoga here in the city.
[pushes Chon forward]
Roy O'Bannon : OK, you go first.
Chon Wang : [struggles] No! Why me?
Roy O'Bannon : Because you blend in, OK?
[Chon looks down at his clothes]
Roy O'Bannon : Now, go. Don't let 'em see you!
Chon Wang : [covers his face with his hat, walks a few steps and looks back at Roy; points to himself] Benny Hana.
[Roy gives a thumbs up]