- [Jesus walks out of the lake with a small bottle of lemonade]
- Jesus Christ: Lemonade?
- Father Eustace: Will there be enough?
- Jesus Christ: Oh, there'll be plenty.
- Mother Marry: [on her appreciation of lesbians] Oh, God loves them. They get so much done in a day, don't you think?
- Jesus Christ: Why lesbians?
- Johnny Golgotha: They're deviants, no one will miss them.
- Jesus Christ: There's nothing deviant about love
- God: Jesus...
- Jesus Christ: Is that you, bowl of cherries?
- God: Do bowls of cherries talk, Jesus?
- Jesus Christ: I don't know. I've seen a lot of strange things over the years.
- God: You need help, Jesus, and I will not forsake it.
- Jesus Christ: Ohh, it's you Dad. So what's your advice?
- Santo Enmascarado de Plata: He'll have you wrestling midgets in border towns for ten percent of the net.
- The Transvestite: Jesus, honey, you're a mess!
- Jesus Christ: [weakly] How... did you know... my name?