Looney Tunes: Back in Action (2003)

Steve Martin: Mr. Chairman

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mr. Chairman : This is unacceptable. We cannot have nine-year-olds working in sweatshops making ACME goods... when three-year-olds work for so much less...

  [all the VPs reach for their buzzers. The VP of Child Labor gets to his first] 

  Acme VP, Child Labor : But they require naps, sir.

  Mr. Chairman : Put double espresso in their sippy cups.

• Mr. Chairman : There is a DUCK in the middle of the picture. Remove the DUCK.

• Mr. Chairman : [Referring to the screen showing DJ's dad about to meet his demise]  Here is you father tied up on the tracks, and here is the train of death right on schedule. You see Mr. Drake, if the train of death doesn't kill your father, then maybe those crates of TNT will, not to mention the two ton anvil hanging over his head, and...

  Mr. Chairman : [Noticing the pendulum of doom]  Oh, and look there's the pendulum of doom! What's the pendulum of doom doing there? I did not order the pendulum of doom!

  Mr. Chairman : [On the intercom with Wile Ethelbert Coyote]  That's overkill! Get rid of it!

• Mr. Chairman : My God, man, what am I going to do with you? You've done nothing but screw up. You've walked off of mesas, been smashed by boulders, and run over by diesel trucks. And don't blame the equipment. The equipment is good. It's Acme equipment. You're a coyote. Be wily.

• [Mr. Chairman decides to send the Tasmanian Devil to retrieve the Blue Monkey] 

  Acme VP, Never Learning : [presses buzzer]  Sir, while we agree that the Tasmanian Devil is extremely vicious, if memory serves he is also incredibly stupid.

  Mr. Chairman : Really? Well so are you!

  [Mr. Chairman opens the cage holding the Tasmanian Devil, who heads out of shot. The sounds of a fight are heard, before the Tasmanian Devil returns to his cage. The camera pans back to VP, Never Learning, who has been reduced to just a skeleton] 

  Acme VP, Never Learning : [presses buzzer]  I withdraw my objection.

• Mr. Chairman : Y'all Monkeys yet?

• Mr. Chairman : Chair people, I reveal to you... the whereabouts of the Blue Monkey

  [laughs, then plugs the phone in the table and the map appears with Daffy in it] 

  Mr. Chairman : ... There's a duck in the middle of the map, remove the duck... Remove the Duck! The duck is in the mid... Duck!

  [Throws the phone at the screen and breaks it] 

  Mr. Chairman : ... Oh... Now, we cannot let a boy, a girl, and a duck and a rabbit thwart our plans for global domination!

  Damien Drake : Wanna bet?

  Mr. Chairman : A Wager?

  Damien Drake : $5 dollars says my son will scuttle your diabolicle plans and save the world.

  Mr. Chairman : You're awfully spunky for a man in your position

  [Uses the controls to make Damien slap himself in the face] 

  Mr. Chairman : ... How do you like that, Mr. Slap-Yourself-In-Your-Own-Face"?

  [Gives the controls to the Laboratory Scientist] 

  Mr. Chairman : [to the Scientist]  Give him a good zets every once in a while

  [gives the controls to the scientist] 

  Mr. Chairman : .

  Peter Lorre : My pleasure

  [then continues making Damien slap himself] 

  Peter Lorre : .

• Granny : Now, I you can just give me the diamond...

  [takes off a disguise] 

  Mr. Chairman : immediately!

  Tweety Bird : oh! now it't my turn...

  [takes off a disguise] 

  Tasmanian Devil : [roars and then farts]  pardon.

  DJ Drake : I knew it was you!

  Mr. Chairman : well you're wrong! 'cause I'm not me! I'm actually...

  [takes off another disguise] 

  Damien Drake : your farther.

  DJ Drake : Dad?

  Damien Drake : look into your heart son, you know it's true.

  DJ Drake : no, it can't be.

  Damien Drake : well you're right! because it *isn't*!

  [takes off another disguise] 

  Michael Jordan : right, lets do some drills.

  [takes off another disguise] 

  Mr. Chairman : [maniacal laughing]  well who's laughing now?

  [crickets chirping] 

  Mr. Chairman : well, apparently no one.

• Mr. Chairman : [to Kate]  I've seen the way you look at me - I know I'm hot.

  Kate Houghton : Ugh!