Camp (2003)

Don Dixon: Bert

Photos 

Quotes 

• Bert : I'm gonna call it off.

  Glen : I think you'd better.

  Fritzi : Wait!

  Bert : Fritzi, what in the hell are you doing here?

  Fritzi : Well I... I knew you'd be discussing stopping the show and I just thought how disappointed all the kids would be after...

  Bert : You scheming little bitch!

  Fritzi : Oh please! I'm a child.

  Bert : If you think for one...

  Fritzi : Oh save the speech, rummy. She's fucked, I'm ready, and the goddamn show must go on. So let's get cracking, shall we?

• Bert : [addressing Fritzi]  I've been watching you and you are a scary little girl. There's nothin' you can't do if you put your mind to it.

• Bert : [addressing Glen]  But I'll tell you something. They're a bunch of little freaks. And the more normal we try to make them, the more lonely and isolated they're gonna feel.

• [walking on the porch as the kids watch Vlad sing one of his songs] 

  Bert : If I can teach you one thing, which is supposed to be my job here, it'd be that you should all go home. Michael Bennett's dead. Bob Fosse is dead. Times Square is a theme park now. I hate to be the Grinch, but it's not normal what goes on up here. Somebody has got to warn you. Teenage faghags become adult faghags. Straight boys are straight. You can't turn 'em just because you need to be loved. The foundation that's being laid here is not going to help you in the real world. It's going to lead to waitressing jobs and bitterness and the obsessive, pointless collecting of out-of-print original cast albums.