50 First Dates (2004)

Rob Schneider: Ula

Photos 

Quotes 

• Lucy : Yeah, that's right. Take that! And that! And that! And that! And that!

  Henry : You got him. You got him. Enough. Enough.

  Lucy : Are you okay?

  Henry : Yes.

  Lucy : Okay, I'll be right back. Hey! Come here!

  Henry : No, no, no. I think he's had enough. I'm sorry.

  Ula : My eye!

  Henry : You got him!

  Lucy : Not good enough.

  Ula : Oh, Kamehameha!

  Henry : He learned his lesson!

• [to his children] 

  Ula : You kids suck; you're good at everything!

• Henry : [after Ula speaks in Hawaiian]  Thanks buddy. What does it mean, again?

  Ula : Bring me back a t-shirt

• Henry : See what happens when you play with sharks.

  Ula : Sharks are like dogs, they only bite when you touch their private parts.

• Ula : Hey! Kikikuloa! No flippies off the dock! You could get hurt! Let the Master show you how it's done.

  [after doing a painful belly flop off a dock] 

  Ula : One of you kids go down there and find my nuts!

• Ula : Really? Even though in 10-15 years she could possibly let herself go and then sex would be like, nauseating, for you?

  Henry : What, are you nuts? Your wife's right over there.

  Ula : I'm just kidding, Muumuu!

• Henry : Okay, this is her. Start beating me up. Make it look good.

  Ula : Give me your wallet. Okay, haole, what do you think? You can come to this island, eat our pineapple.

  Henry : Help me! Not so hard. Take it easy.

  Ula : Try to bang our women. Making my sister clean your hotel room.

  Henry : Okay. What does that have to do with this? Relax. Hey! Hey! Help me, please!

  Ula : Stupid haole!

• Ula's Kid : Hey, Dad.

  Ula : Not now, Keanu Mokokokakau.

  Ula's Kid : But your stitches are bleeding.

  [while playing golf, Ula has ripped the stitches over a shark bite on his waist] 

  Ula : It must have been my huge back swing. You think you can stitch me up tonight after I get back from surfing?

  Henry : Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.

  Caddy : I wouldn't surf with a bleeding wound like that. You might attract a shark or something.

  Ula : What's wrong with that, cuz? Sharks are naturally peaceful.

  Caddy : Is that right? How'd you get that nasty cut anyway?

  Ula : A shark bit me.

  Caddy : Nice! Go smoke another one, bro!

• Ula : Oh, you crazy bitch!

  Lucy : Yeah, keep running!

• Henry : Ula! Get back to cleaning the pool! And if that's one of your special brownies, don't let any of the dolphins eat that!

  Ula : How do you think I get the dolphins to do double-flips and play with the white kids?

• Ula : You meet her, hang out, flirt, no commitment, nobody gets hurt.

  Henry : She's got brain damage, you psycho.

  Ula : Okay, I'll give you that one. But I think it'd be healthy for you. You haven't allowed yourself to connect with a girl for many years.

  Henry : I appreciate your interest Ula, but leave me alone.

  Ula : Hey, you'd be doing exactly what her father does: Giving her a wonderful day. Then when it's time for you to go on your big boat trip, poof, you just leave. She'll never even know you're gone.

  Henry : See I'm not sure about the "poofing" part, because I'm not a very big poofer. Could you demonstrate a good poof for me.

  Ula : Quit busting my coconuts for five seconds.

  Henry : Alright. Would you stop poofing on that joint and do some work!

  Ula : Okay. Let's get this sucker ready. Then we're gonna take her out for a spin.

• Ula's Kid : What's wrong with that turtle?

  Henry : He has lung problems cause he smoked too much turtle weed, which is bad for you. Right Ula?

  Ula : What? I don't smoke weed.

• Henry : [on video]  The part of you for this reenactment will be played by my good friend, Ula.

  Ula : [on video]  Aloha. Sorry about your brain.

• Ula : [Ula falls through the deck of Henry's boat up to his chest]  I think I pulled out my stitches again.

  [pause] 

  Ula : Hey, did you get a cat? Because I feel something licking me...

• Ula : [to Henry]  My shirt size is medium husky.

• Henry : And why is your foot on my pillow?

  Ula : Sorry brah

  [removes to reveal a dirty footprint and brushes it off, then sits on the pillow] 

  Henry : And I don't want your ass on it either!

• Ula : [dressed up as Lucy, with a coconut bra on]  Aquariums make me super horny!

• Ula : Come on, I need some details. You get some booby, some assy, a pull on your poi-poi? Come on.

  Ula's Kid : Daddy, what's a nympho?

  Ula : Uh, the nympho is the state bird of Ohio.

  Henry : You're the state idiot of Hawaii.

• Ula : Dude, I met this sexy blonde tax attorney from Florida at Starbucks today. I told her you the kahuna she wanna have fun on this island. You want her number?

  Henry : You pimping tourists for me again, Ula?

  Ula : Yes! I live vicariously through you, remember? My life sucks. Now, come on give her the Waikikiki sneaky behind the cheeky.

• Ula : [to Henry]  You're such a lau lau.

• Noreen : I'd like to do something extra fun tonight.

  Ula : Uh-oh.