Raising Helen (2004)
John Corbett: Pastor Dan Parker
Photos
Quotes
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Pastor Dan Parker : I'm a sexy man of God, and I know it.
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Helen Harris : Pastor Dan just asked me out.
Audrey Davis : That is so weird.
Pastor Dan Parker : I can hear you. I'm still here. Go inside and do that.
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Pastor Dan Parker : Let's talk about some things you could do at home.
Helen Harris : You wanna know what I've been doing at home? I've been doing the best I can. Do you have any idea what this has done to my life?
Pastor Dan Parker : Hey, Helen, you have any idea what it's done to theirs?
Helen Harris : Hey, Pastor Dan? Mr. Self-righteous? I'm hanging on by a thread here. I lost my sister, my social life, my disposable income, my ability to fit into a size 2, and - this just in - my job. Pretty much the only two things that haven't disappeared are my nicotine fits and a few pounds that have recently taken up residence on my ass. So forgive me if I'm not too thrilled about being lectured, in Queens, about being a lousy legal guardian to three kids who maybe shouldn't have been given to me in the first place.
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Helen Harris : ...Father.
Pastor Dan Parker : Pastor.
Helen Harris : ...Father Pastor.
Pastor Dan Parker : Pastor Parker.
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Helen Harris : Sarah, you don't have to learn to tie your shoes right now. When you're ready to tie your shoes, you will.
Pastor Dan Parker : That's right. Shoe-tying is tough. Why do you think Jesus wore sandals?
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Pastor Dan Parker : [knocks on the door] Cable guy!
Helen Harris : [whispering] It's the Exorcist!
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Helen Harris : See you at Vespers.
Pastor Dan Parker : Do you know what Vespers is?
Helen Harris : Some kind of scooter?
Pastor Dan Parker : Close enough.
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Helen Harris : Ok, problem. They're all hemophiliacs. Can't take blood. Shhh... they're sensitive!
Pastor Dan Parker : It's a joke.
Helen Harris : Why would I joke about hemophilia?