David Koechner: Champ Kind
Photos
Quotes
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Ron Burgundy : Boy, that escalated quickly... I mean, that really got out of hand fast.
Champ Kind : It jumped up a notch.
Ron Burgundy : It did, didn't it?
Brick Tamland : Yeah, I stabbed a man in the heart.
Ron Burgundy : I saw that. Brick killed a guy. Did you throw a trident?
Brick Tamland : Yeah, there were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident.
Ron Burgundy : Brick, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You should find yourself a safehouse or a relative close by. Lay low for a while, because you're probably wanted for murder.
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Ed Harken : A lot of you have been hearing the affiliates complaining about a lack of diversity on the news team.
Champ Kind : What in the hell's diversity?
Ron Burgundy : Well, I could be wrong, but I believe diversity is an old, old wooden ship that was used during the Civil War era.
Ed Harken : Ron, I would be surprised if the affiliates were concerned about the lack of an old, old wooden ship, but nice try.
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Ron Burgundy : Last time I looked in the dictionary, my name's Ron Burgundy. What's your name?
Brian Fantana : Brian Fantana.
Champ Kind : Champ Kind.
Brick Tamland : Brian Fantana.
Brian Fantana : No, you're Brick.
Brick Tamland : Brian.
Brian Fantana : I'm Brian.
Brick Tamland : Veronica.
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Champ Kind : I will smash your face into a car windshield, and then take your mother, Dorothy Mantooth, out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again.
Wes Mantooth : Dorothy Mantooth is a Saint!
Ron Burgundy : Hey, let's leave the mothers out of this.
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Brian Fantana : Where is the suit store? We've been walking for forty-five minutes.
Champ Kind : Brick, I thought you said this was a shortcut.
Brick Tamland : Fantastic.
Ron Burgundy : Well, is it a shortcut or not?
Brick Tamland : Okay.
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Brian Fantana : Don't get me wrong, I *love* the ladies. I mean they rev my engine, but they do NOT belong in the newsroom!
Champ Kind : It is anchor *man*, not anchor *lady*. And that is a scientific fact.
Brick Tamland : [Absolutely furious] I don't know what we're yelling about!
Brian Fantana : You're with us, Ron, what do you think?
Ron Burgundy : [shouting] She... Sh... It's terrible! She has beautiful eyes! And her hair smells like cinnamon!
Brick Tamland : [shouts] *LOUD* *NOISES*!
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Ron Burgundy : [singing] Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight / Gonna grab some afternoon delight / My motto's always been, "When it's right, it's right" / Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night?
Ron Burgundy , Brian Fantana , Champ Kind , Brick Tamland : [singing] When everything's a little clearer in the light of day / And we know the night is always gonna be there anyway.
Brian Fantana , Brick Tamland : [singing] Thinkin' of you's workin' up my appetite / Looking forward to a little afternoon delight / Rubbin' sticks and stones together makes the sparks ignite / And the thought of lovin' you is getting so exciting.
Ron Burgundy , Brian Fantana , Champ Kind , Brick Tamland : [singing] Sky rockets in flight / Afternoon delight.
Ron Burgundy : You guys have it, I think.
Ron Burgundy , Brian Fantana , Champ Kind , Brick Tamland : [singing] Afternoon delight.
Champ Kind : I don't know Ron, That sounds kinda crazy.
Brian Fantana : Sounds like you have mental problems, man.
Brick Tamland : Yeah you got mental problems, man.
Brian Fantana : Yeah, he really does.
Brick Tamland : Man.
Ron Burgundy , Brian Fantana , Champ Kind , Brick Tamland : [singing] Afternoon delight.
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Champ Kind : What do you say if we go out on a date? Have some chicken, maybe some sex... You know, see what happens.
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Champ Kind : The bottom line is you've been spending a lot of time with this lady, Ron. You're a member of the Channel Four News Team.
Ron Burgundy : That's a given.
Champ Kind : We need you. Hell, I need you. I'm a mess without you. I miss you so damn much! I miss being with you. I miss being *near* you. I miss your laugh!
[laughs playfully and pulls on Ron's sleeve]
Champ Kind : I miss your scent.
[composes himself, becomes serious]
Champ Kind : I miss your musk... When this all gets sorted out, I think you and me should get an apartment together!
Brian Fantana : Take it easy, Champ. Why don't you stop talking for a while.
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Brian Fantana : That was one crazy party. I am *hung ovaaah!*.
Champ Kind : [theatrical version only] I woke up on the floor of some Japanese family's rec room, and they would NOT stop screaming.
Brick Tamland : Oh, yeah. I ate a big red candle.
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Ron Burgundy : Go easy on her, guys, she has feelings too, you know.
Brian Fantana : Listen to Burgundy, he sounds like some school-boy bitch.
Champ Kind : You sound like a gay.
Ron Burgundy : Hey, this is me - Papa Burgundy. As far as I'm concerned Corningstone's fair game. Let the games begin. Wey-ho. Wey-ho.
Brian Fantana : There he is, there he is... I'm very aroused
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Champ Kind : Champ here! I'm all about havin' fun. You know, get a couple cocktails in me, start a fire in someone's kitchen. Maybe go to SeaWorld, take my pants off. Anyway, I kinda known for my catch phrase WHAMMY! As in Gene Tenace at the plate... iiittt WHAMMY! WHAMMY!
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Champ Kind : [uncut version] Tell me about it. I woke up this morning and I shit a squirrel. I mean it, literally. Hell of it is, damn thing's still alive. So I got this shit-covered squirrel down there in the office. Don't know what to name it.
Brick Tamland : Oh, I'm sorry, Champ. I think I ate your chocolate squirrel.
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Brick Tamland : [after a rival news team insults Ron and the team. Brick is standing next to the rival team] Heinie...
[laughs]
Brick Tamland : He said heinie!
Champ Kind : Brick, get back over here!
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Champ Kind : He's standing in the middle of the baseline saying, "You gotta take home plate from me!" So there I go head first...
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Champ Kind : What's it like, Ron?
Ron Burgundy : The intimate times? Outta sight, my man.
Brian Fantana : No, the other thing - love.
Brick Tamland : Yeah, what is that?
