Art School Confidential (2006)

Joel David Moore: Bardo

Photos 

Quotes 

• Bardo : Why are you such an asshole?

  Marvin Bushmiller : Now that's a great question. No, really. It really is. I am an asshole because... that is my true nature. Maybe it's everybody's true nature. Every single one of you looks like a fuckin' asshole to me, but... who knows? The difference between you and me is that I have gained the freedom to express my true nature. And what could be more beautiful than truth and freedom?

• Jimmy : [to Jerome]  So... Who do you like?

  Jimmy : [Jerome is confused by the question, so Jimmy rephrases it]  Who's your favorite artist, Jerome?

  Jerome : [Uncomfortable pause]  Maybe, Picasso?

  Jimmy : I see... Very good... Our old friend "Pig-Ass-Hole," the nasty little dwarf who went his whole life without a single original thought... I presume you're joking, right?

  Bardo : [Jerome is too uncomfortable to speak, but Bardo nonchalantly chimes in]  Jimmy's a Strathmore grad.

  Jimmy : Just look at me now!... Just think, Jerome, some day all this could be yours. You're going places, young man. I can feel it. But you really need to take some lessons in sucking cock and licking ass. Otherwise you might find yourself rotting away in some shit-hole, postponing suicide for the slim chance that you might one day, possibly, see some glorious plague or pestilence bring horrible suffering to your hateful species.

  Jimmy : [Jerome and Bardo look at each other in shocked silence, then let out uncomfortable snickers]  What are you smiling about?

  Jimmy : [Jerome only shrugs, an uncomfortable grin etched on his face]  Laugh away, laughing boy! I will stomp on your guts till they shoot out your ass! I will bury you alive and shit on your grave!

• Bardo : I'm a living cliché just like the rest of these guys. I'm the guy who keeps dropping out and changing his major just because he's afraid he really sucks at everything.

• Bardo : [holding up clay pipe]  This is ready for the kiln.

• Audrey : [Introducing herself to Jerome while at Shiloh's photo exhibit]  Oh, hi. I'm Audrey, by the way.

  Bardo : [Butting in]  So is that your real name, or are you just obsessed with Audrey Hepburn like every other art school chick?

  Audrey : [Unperturbed, holding up her necklace pendant]  Actually, I was named after an old cartoon.

  Bardo : Oh, wow! Another ironic pop-culture reference. She's a keeper!

  [Goes off to help himself to more free refreshments] 

• Bardo : The only trouble with that is: all those beatnik chicks are totally insane. Look. What you really want is a nice, innocent, suburban girl. Some freshman chick who hasn't been corrupted yet.