Monster-in-Law (2005)

Jennifer Lopez: Charlie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Charlotte 'Charlie' Cantilini : What color are my eyes?

  Dr. Kevin Fields : Well, at first glance your eyes are brown. But when the light hits them, they change to amber. And if you look really close around the iris, the color is pure honey. But when you look into the sun, they almost look green. That's my favorite.

• [trying on and ripping a dress that's too small] 

  Charlotte 'Charlie' Cantilini : Oh, man! I've got *two* asses!

• Charlotte 'Charlie' Cantilini : And about the holidays...

  Viola Fields : Are you gonna keep me away?

  Charlotte 'Charlie' Cantilini : You must be present for every Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthday, school play, clarinet recital, and soccer game in our kids' lives. I want you to love them, and spoil them and teach them things that Kevin and I can't. Like how to throw a right hook for example. I want you there, Viola. I do, up front and center. From this point i will not negotiate.

  Ruby : Damn, that girl can give a nice little speech!

• Charlotte 'Charlie' Cantilini : [after Fiona tells Charlie that Kevin is gay]  I used to have such good gaydar.

• Charlotte 'Charlie' Cantilini : [after Viola throws her wedding dress out of the car]  Motherfu-!

• Viola Fields : Marriage is a sacred union which must only be entered with the utmost care.

  Charlotte 'Charlie' Cantilini : Weren't you married four times?

• Charlotte 'Charlie' Cantilini : Where's your bridesmaid dress?

  Viola Fields : Oh, I gave it to Ruby's daughter, she works at Hooters, she was thrilled.

  Ruby : [listening from outside door]  I have a daughter?

• Viola Fields : [noticing Charlie's necklace]  why the question mark?

  Charlotte 'Charlie' Cantilini : Oh, 'cause I just don't know.

• [first lines] 

  [Charlie sitting at her desk at home. Phone rings. Charlie lets the answering machine pick up and listens to the recording] 

  Charlotte 'Charlie' Cantilini : [Answering machine message]  Hi, it's Charlie. Leave a message.

  [Answering machine beeps to signal beginning of message] 

  Carol, from LA Temp Agency : [Leaving message on answering machine]  Hi Charlie, it's Carol from the L.A. Temp Agency. Listen, Dr. Patel's office needs you for tomorrow. Is that ok? Let me know. Bye.

  [Answering machine beeps signaling end of message] 

  Remy : [Charlie sketching] 

  [Remy walks in with cup of coffee and toast] 

  Remy : Morning neighbor.

  [Chews toast] 

  Charlotte 'Charlie' Cantilini : Heeeyyy...

  [Looks at Remy and gestures to his hands] 

  Charlotte 'Charlie' Cantilini : Help yourself.

  Remy : [Lifts hands holding coffee and toast in acknowledgement]  Oh thanks, I was out of everything.

  Charlotte 'Charlie' Cantilini : Uch, why do I even bother?

  [Stands up while wadding sketch up into ball. Walks past Remy] 

  Charlotte 'Charlie' Cantilini : You know Remy, I gave you that key for emergencies... Extreme emergencies.

  [Unseen Charlie throws sketch backwards and we see Remy catch it] 

  Remy : [Shakes sketch open]  It was! I needed caffeine... Oh, now this is good. I'd even wear it.

  Charlotte 'Charlie' Cantilini : Good, cause I gotta go. I'm late for my first client.

  [Walks out of closet and to bedroom door] 

  Charlotte 'Charlie' Cantilini : But you stay, have breakfast, take a shower... open my drawers.

  [Smirks at him and leaves] 

• Charlotte 'Charlie' Cantilini : [after Viola tells Charlie she's moving nextdoor]  "Lovely property, beautiful bay windows." It's BULLSHIT! She doesn't even like this neighborhood!

• Charlotte 'Charlie' Cantilini : [after secretly spying on Viola's meeting with her doctor]  Bad day, my ass!