Monster-in-Law (2005)

Wanda Sykes: Ruby

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ruby : Fix your hair. You look like a damn cockatoo.

• Ruby : [fighting Viola for the nut-tainted gravy]  I think you dislocated my vagina.

• Viola Fields : [Leaning on car]  That little bitch. Come on, Ruby. Let's go to the beach and drink wine.

  Ruby : [Grunts while putting in luggage] 

  Viola Fields : What's wrong, Ruby?

  Ruby : You know exactly what!

  [Picks up luggage] 

  Ruby : Move.

  Viola Fields : Ruby, what's wrong?

  Ruby : I am sick! I am sick, sick, sick of your shit! And when I'm not sick, I'm tired! I am sick and tired!

  Viola Fields : What are you trying to say?

  Ruby : [closes trunk]  Damn you and your luggage!

  [rushes to car] 

  Viola Fields : [rushes to car]  Ruby? Ruby? Ruby, you're not going to leave me like everyone else, are you?

  Ruby : Of course not! You old slut!

• Viola Fields : I cannot believe she compared me to Gertrude!

  Ruby : I know. Now, that's just wrong.

  Viola Fields : Thank you.

  Ruby : You are far worse. I don't recall Gertrude ever trying to poison you. And I'm pretty sure she wore black to your wedding.

  Viola Fields : Black. Yeah, she said she was in mourning. I just want my son to be happy.

  Ruby : Whatever made you think he wasn't?

• Viola Fields : That slut is practically throwing herself on him!

  Ruby : I don't blame her, that boy's one fine piece of ass!

• Charlotte 'Charlie' Cantilini : And about the holidays...

  Viola Fields : Are you gonna keep me away?

  Charlotte 'Charlie' Cantilini : You must be present for every Christmas, Thanksgiving, birthday, school play, clarinet recital, and soccer game in our kids' lives. I want you to love them, and spoil them and teach them things that Kevin and I can't. Like how to throw a right hook for example. I want you there, Viola. I do, up front and center. From this point i will not negotiate.

  Ruby : Damn, that girl can give a nice little speech!

• Viola Fields : [Ruby and Viola arguing at the car]  What's wrong with you?

  Ruby : I am sick. I am sick, sick, sick of your shit. And when I'm not sick, I'm tired. I am sick and tired!

• Ruby : [to Kevin]  You're bringing a girl home... now? She's just got off from the funny farm!

• [Viola has a hissy fit] 

  Ruby : [departing with the champagne]  Gonna need something stronger than this.

• Viola Fields : [after asking the question about what the pop star likes to do for fun]  Do you ever read a newspaper?

  Ruby : [in control room]  Newspaper? Viola, the girl got stars on her nipples.

  Pop Star : [laughs while talking]  I dont have much time for that.

  Viola Fields : So what you're saying is that you dont know what's going on in the world. And yet you've sold over

  [looks down at card] 

  Viola Fields : 39 million albums. CDs. And millions of kids listen to your lyrics. "If you wanna know me, look inside my make-up bag". You're influencing an entire population of kids who won't know how to think straight. Or how to vote for a president. Or understand the significance of Roe vs Wade.

  Pop Star : Oh!

  [laughs] 

  Pop Star : I don't support boxing as a sport. I think it's too violent.

  Ruby : Y'all better get that little girl outta there.

  Viola Fields : AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

  [Throws herself on pop star] 

• Viola Fields : [Walks out of institution]  Ruby, oh, my dearest friend. I've missed you so much.

  Ruby : Well, good. They still got you medicated.

• Ruby : Charlie's face will blow up like a balloon!

  Viola Fields : Good, then it will match the rest of her body.

• Charlotte 'Charlie' Cantilini : Where's your bridesmaid dress?

  Viola Fields : Oh, I gave it to Ruby's daughter, she works at Hooters, she was thrilled.

  Ruby : [listening from outside door]  I have a daughter?

• [last lines] 

  Ruby : [Ruby and Viola walking up stairs into house. Viola still holding the wedding bouquet that she caught]  And take off that damn dress. You look like a giant peach cobbler. You makin' me hungry... Come on, weathergirl. I'll buy you a box of wine.

  [Viola almost belly laughing at Ruby's joke, walks into house, off screen. Ruby turns around to close the doors and opens her mouth so it appears Viola's laughter is coming from her mouth. Laughter echoes away as Ruby closes her mouth, rolls her eyes, and shakes her head. Ruby closes the doors. With the click of the doors shutting, the screen goes black] 

• Ruby : I am sick. I am sick, sick, sick of your shit.And when I'm not sick, I'm tired. I'm sick and tired. Now get the car, you old slut.

• Ruby : You wanna take this outside?

• Viola Fields : Ruby, Ruby. Everybody knows that when a woman marries a man she marries his mother, too. What if I drive her crazy?

  Ruby : Ok, now you're foaming at the mouth.