The Joe Schmo Show (2003– )

Matt Kennedy Gould: Joe Schmo, Self, Pizza Delivery Guy

Quotes 

• Matt Kennedy Gould : [about Hutch using hot oil on Earl's gross feet during the "Battle of the Sexes" game]  To add insult to injury, he pulls out the oil. Like,

  [slightly gags] 

  Matt Kennedy Gould : Dude, to really...

  [coughs] 

  Matt Kennedy Gould : Jesus, to really get the juices flowing, that's what you need: hot oil on jungle rot, okay.

• Ralph Garman : What would you do if your entire world turned out to be fake? If an army of writers, producers and actors spent over a year creating TV's most elaborate experiment around YOU? If they plotted your every move, recorded it 24 hours a day, and put it on National Television? Well, that's EXACTLY what happened to THIS guy. Meet Matt Kennedy Gould: One real guy competing for $100,000 on a reality show that HE doesn't know... is FAKE. Starring nine actors: Melissa Yvonne Lewis as Ashleigh, the Rich Bitch; David Hornsby as Hutch, the Asshole; Angela Dodson as Molly, the Virgin; Franklin Jones as Earl, the Veteran; Nikki Davis as Gina, the Schemer; Lance Krall as Kip, the Gay Guy; Brian Keith Etheridge as Brian, the Buddy; Kristen Wiig as Dr. Pat, the Quack, and me, Ralph Garman as the Smarmy Host. All performing for the one guy who thinks it's real.

  Matt Kennedy Gould : This place is f***in' starting to drive me crazy.

  Ralph Garman : This is "The Joe Schmo Show."