White Chicks (2004)

Lochlyn Munro: Agent Jake Harper

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Kevin and Marcus approach the desk at the hotel, disguised as Brittany and Tiffany, respectively. "Brittany"'s fake breasts knock over multiple items on the desk] 

  Kevin Copeland : Sorry. Um... um... They're new. Dr. Dorfman did an *amazing* job.

  Marcus Copeland : [squeezes "Brittany"'s breast]  They feel *so* real.

  Agent Jake Harper : Hi. I, I, um... I need a credit card, please. And, and some I.D., please.

  Kevin Copeland : ["Brittany" takes "her" I.D. out of "her" handbag and realizes it has Kevin's information and photo on. "She" quickly thinks and acts offended]  Credit card? I.D.? I'm *so* freakin' pissed*! First of all, I go to Dr. Dorf and he totally messes up my nose job. I ask him to make me look like Gwyneth Paltrow... I get off the surgery table looking like freakin' *Shrek*! Then I get *here*, and Mr. *Harper* makes me feel like I'm some dumb blonde with fake boobs going to a Hugh Hefner party!

  Agent Jake Harper : No, I-I didn't mean to offend you; it's just, it's... it's protocol!

  Kevin Copeland : I'm gonna have a B.F.!

  Marcus Copeland : Oh, my God... She's gonna have a bitch fit!

  Agent Jake Harper : No, no, no, d-d-don't have a-a-a B.F. now.

  Kevin Copeland : I wanna speak to your supervisor! Better yet, I'm gonna write a letter!

  Marcus Copeland : [to Harper]  You are in *big* trouble!

  Kevin Copeland : [Agitated, "Brittany" grabs a pen and a sheet of paper and starts writing]  Dear... Mr... Royal... Hampton. I... am... a... *white*... woman... in... America.

  Section Chief Elliott Gordon : [appears]  Ladies, is there a problem here?

  Marcus Copeland , Kevin Copeland : Yes.

  Agent Jake Harper : No! Sir, no, no, there's... there's no problem.

  Section Chief Elliott Gordon : These are two of our VIP guests. Issue them keys. Immediately.

  Agent Jake Harper : [nods nervously]  Yes, sir.

  Marcus Copeland : [to Harper]  V. I. P. Learn your acronyms, okay?

  Kevin Copeland : [to Gordon after he hands the "girls" room cards]  What a sweetheart!

  Section Chief Elliott Gordon : Enjoy your stay.

  Kevin Copeland : Has anyone ever told you you look *just* like Denzel Washington?

  Section Chief Elliott Gordon : [laughing]  Yeah, actually I have heard it once... or twice.

  Kevin Copeland : What a beautiful chocolate man! Beautiful!

  ["Brittany" and "Tiffany" walk away giggling; Gordon and Harper exchange puzzled looks] 

• Agent Vincent Gomez : So, who do you think wore those panties you were sniffing? Kevin or Marcus?

  Agent Jake Harper : Gomez, l told you. l was looking for DNA...

  Section Chief Elliott Gordon : Oh, yeah.

  Agent Jake Harper : What are you laughing at, ''Denzel''? ''Oh, what a beautiful chocolate man!'' hahahaha

  Section Chief Elliott Gordon : You guys got some work to do?