- David Doyle: [reacting to the news of Farrah Fawcett-Majors leaving the show] Well, first I'm checking my bank account, and then if we get cancelled, I'm gonna go burn her house down!
- Kate Jackson: [offended by a script calling for the girls to go undercover as catsuit-wearing gentleman's club hostesses] We're private dicks, not purring pussies!
- Vice President ABC Standards and Practices: The issue is nipples.
- Aaron Spelling: Nipples?
- Vice President ABC Standards and Practices: We're seeing nipples. Noticable, conspicuous nipples. We can't put nipples on our network.
- Aaron Spelling: You're referring to the fact that Farrah sometimes doesn't wear a bra?
- Vice President ABC Standards and Practices: We counted seven episodes and nineteen instances in which nipples were clearly apparent.
- David Doyle: You know, if, eh, if Time wanted to put Bosley on the cover, well, I'll give up my lunch hour.
- ABC Marketing Executive: Yeah. Thanks.
- Lee Majors: I used to have a wife gave me great backrubs. Yeah, those were the days.
- Farrah Fawcett-Majors: Let's not fight...
- Lee Majors: She found another guy: Charlie. What's that som'bitch got that I don't?
- Fred Silverman: If it doesn't improve, or pulls low numbers, not even God will be able to save your angels.
- Vice President ABC Standards and Practices: We must stop nipple protrusion on ABC.
- Aaron Spelling: A wiser man than I once said: Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
- [laughs]