Best Week Ever with Paul F. Tompkins (2004– )

Michael Colton: Self - Panelist

Quotes 

• Michael Colton : The Lost fans are so thorough. If they could only start investigating al-Qaeda, we'd find Bin Laden in like two hours.

• Michael Colton : There's nothing Oprah can't do. Remember that budget deficit? You don't hear about that any more.

  John Aboud : Gone.

  Michael Colton : She took care of it.

  John Aboud : It got Oprah-fied.

  Michael Colton : Like a third of her salary.

• John Aboud : Sean Preston is what Britney likes to think of as a practice baby.

  Michael Colton : A starter child. It's before you move onto the real one, the trophy child.

• Michael Colton : [on Aaron Carter]  On what alternate universe is this kid a prize?

• Michael Colton : [Re Hot Condoms]  How do you know whether the burning sensation is the hot condom or syphilis?

• Michael Colton : I did not know we had a president of beers. Is there a Senate of beers too?

  Brian Huskey : I want a good president. I don't care if it's a beer, or a human being.

• Michael Colton : [Re Growing Up Gotti]  She's not in the mafia. She's a humble importer of olive oil.

• Michael Colton : [Re Christina Aguilera]  She got rid of all her piercings except the nipple ring. Why? Because the nipple ring is classy.

• Michael Colton : Is anybody really surprised there is another Paris Hilton sex tape? I bet if I look in my garage long enough, I will find a Paris Hilton sex tape.