- The Kid: So, as just a guy who gave another guy a sandwich, you have, like, any philosophical tips or anything, for a guy on a-kind of- road trip?
- Don Johnston: You asking me?
- The Kid: Yeah.
- Don Johnston: Well, the past is gone, I know that. The future, isn't here yet, whatever it's going to be. So, all there is, is, is this. The present. That's it.
- The Kid: Are you a Buddhist?
- Don Johnston: Wanna get a drink?
- Carmen: No, I don't drink.
- Don Johnston: Later, get something to eat?
- Carmen: I don't... eat.
- Rita: Daddy, you're not supposed to be smoking.
- Winston: Oh, no, no. This is just some assorted herbs, some cheeba.
- Don Johnston: Let me see that
- [takes a drag of cigarette]
- Don Johnston: Yep, it's just cannabis sativa.
- Winston: Is something wrong?
- Don Johnston: It's probably nothing.
- Winston: A love letter, from one of your lovely ladies?
- Don Johnston: Something like that. I'll read it to you. "Dear Don. Sometimes life brings some strange surprises. Its been almost 20 years since we've seen each other, but, now there's something I need to tell you. Years ago, after our story ended, I discovered I was pregnant. I decided to go through with the pregnancy and I had a baby. A son, your son. I decided to raise him by myself because our time together had come to a close. My son is now almost 19. He's somewhat shy and secretive, unlike you. But, a sensitive wonderful person. A few days ago he left on a mysterious road trip. But, I'm almost certain he's searching for his father. I've told him almost nothing about you. But, he's resourceful and imaginative. Anyway, if this is, in fact, your correct address, well, I just felt I should let you know." There was no signature and no return address.
- Winston: Hey, congratulations! You're a father!
- Don Johnston: Couldn't you have rented me, like a Porsche or some car that I might really drive? I'm a stalker in a Taurus.
- Don Johnston: I think your father's real name is Sam Spade.
- Winston and Mona's Kid: My father isn't Sam Spade.
- Don Johnston: No? Think he's Sherlock Holmes?
- Winston and Mona's Kid: No!
- Don Johnston: I know he's one of those famous detectives. Mike Hammer!
- Winston and Mona's Kid: No! Not Mike Hammer!
- Don Johnston: Oh, I know, he's that Dolomite guy. Right?
- Winston and Mona's Kid: No. Not Dolomite
- Don Johnston: No?... Keep your eyes open, he may be Dolomite.
- Winston and Mona's Kid: Nooooooo.
- Girl on Bus: I can't believe my Mom won't let me wear a bikini.
- Girl on Bus: I can't believe your Mom let you come on this trip!
- Girl on Bus: Oh, she doesn't know. Well, I mean, she knows, but, she thinks that I'm with your family. He-he-he. No, she wouldn't have let me come and you would have been totally mad at me.
- Girl on Bus: What if she calls my Mom?
- Girl on Bus: She's not going to call her. She thinks she's here. See, its perfect!
- Girl on Bus: Wait-wait-wait. What?
- Girl on Bus: Don't even worry about it. Don't even worry about it.
- Girl on Bus: Wait, do I need to call my Mom? 'Cause my Mom will totally lie for you.
- Girl on Bus: No. I really want to go to the party tonight. I really want to meet some cute guys.
- Girl on Bus: That guy is SO cute that is sitting behind me. Can you see him.
- Girl on Bus: Oh my gosh! He's really cute.
- Girl on Bus: He looks like a supermodel
- Girl on Bus: Oh my God! No, he looks like the Calvin Klein model, that's like on the side of the bus.
- Girl on Bus: Oh my gosh, he looks so cool. Ally will take us to get something to eat before we go. I'm starving.
- Girl on Bus: Oh she better.
- Girl on Bus: I'm starving.
- Girl on Bus: That's why you need the mix-and-match when you we get fat you got a good dinner. We're such heffers.
- Girl on Bus: Are you serious? Its disgusting. We're so fat.
- Girl on Bus: Donut girl!
- Sun Green: So, what's your name?
- Don Johnston: Don Johnston.
- Sun Green: *Really?* Don Johnson?
- Don Johnston: No, not Johnson. Johnston, with "t".
- [last lines]
- Don Johnston: Hold on a second. Wait. I know you think that I'm your father, don't you?
- The Kid: What?
- Don Johnston: Just tell me. You can talk to me, chief.
- The Kid: Man, you're fucked up!
- Don Johnston: Wait a second. Wait a second. Wait!
- Don Johnston: So, you're an animal psychic?
- Carmen: No, I'm a communicator.
- Don Johnston: And, you're a doctor now? When we were together, you were so passionate about becoming lawyer. I mean you were - very passionate.
- Carmen: Yeah well, passion's a funny thing.
- Carmen: [about dog] I'm sorry Don, but I really can't keep Skippy waiting.
- Don Johnston: Do you think you could tell Skippy that you're just going to walk me to my car?