Get Smart (2008)
David Koechner: Larabee
Photos
Quotes
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[Larabee is texting during a briefing]
Agent 23 : What are you doing? Are you texting?
Larabee : Yeah. Letting my fiancee know we won't be able to get married in June, 'cause I'll still be in this meeting.
[23 smirks]
Agent 23 : Can I see that for a second?
Larabee : Yeah.
[Larabee hands the phone to 23]
Agent 23 : That's great.
[23 breaks the phone]
Agent 23 : Well, that's weird. You lost your signal.
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Maxwell Smart : I have obtained a snippet, at great risk to a bus boy in Balad.
[Men start speaking in Punjab on a recording which Max is translating]
Maxwell Smart : "Aftab, how is your coffee?"
Maxwell Smart : "Good, Dalip, it's decaf. How is yours?"
Maxwell Smart : "It is good, also. How is your muffin?"
Maxwell Smart : Powerful stuff
The Chief : So "muffin", then, is a code word?
Maxwell Smart : No, it is comfort food... and quite frankly much more fattening than most people realize. Which begs the question... why would two hardened KAOS agents... risk the carbs?
Maxwell Smart : Because they are under a great deal of stress.
Agent 23 : Hence the decaf.
Maxwell Smart : For Aftab yes. Dalip takes his full-strength. Why? Because he has been sleeping on the couch for three days... because he called his sister-in-law a "leathery hag".
Larabee : You know, people often say things in anger they don't really mean. Leathery hag, fat cow, ungrateful whore. Just words really, that shouldn't be used against you in a custody hearing.
Agent 91 : Let it go, man, those kids don't even look like you.
The Chief : Can we put a pin in this, please... and go back to Max's extraordinary detailed report?
Maxwell Smart : Thank you, Chief. All I'm saying is... that until we understand that our enemies are also human beings... we will never defeat them. Yes, they are bad guys, but that is what they do, not who they are. Let's continue listening... and bear in mind that the next 100 pages can get a little bit dry.
Larabee : Come on.
[All sigh in boredom]
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Larabee : Hey, Maxine! Why don't you come over here and we'll play a little game I like to call: 'Let's Go to the Dog Show'! I put a collar on you and make you my bi... AH!
[gets shot in the crotch with a paintball by Max]
Larabee : [while groaning, to 91] I think I really got inside head.
Maxwell Smart : [to 23] I am not proud of what I just did.
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Larabee : Hey, new guy. Hold up a second. Welcome to CONTROL. We have a tradition called "Pick on the new guy." Here's how it works. We pick on the new guy.
Agent 91 : And you can't do anything about it.
Larabee : Let's try one. You dropped your pencil.
Agent 91 : Did you hear the man!
Hymie : I don't see a man, I see two little girls. I think I'll call you Maureen, and you Brittany.
Agent 91 : New guy did not.
Larabee : New guy did.
Agent 91 : OK, new guy...
Larabee : I got this. And I'm going to enjoy it.
Hymie : That will make me happy, Maureen.
Larabee : Ho ho ho. Maureen...
[Larabee punches Hymie in the stomach- loud metallic sound is heard]
Larabee : OW! What's in there? Oh. Oh.
Hymie : And just for the record.
Larabee : Oh. Oh. What's in there?
[Hymie staples paper to Larabee's forehead. Larabee screams]
Hymie : My name is not "new guy". My name is Hymie. Now, if you ladies will excuse me.
[Hymie walks away]
Bruce : [Bruce and Lloyd hiding off to the side] This is going to be so fun.
Lloyd : Make him high five me.
[Hymie high fives Lloyd]
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[Larabee is getting surrounded by the "cone of silence"]
Larabee : Get OFF!
[talking to Chief]
Maxwell Smart : Larabee wants out!
Maxwell Smart : OOOOUUUUTTTT!
[Max's head is shone swelling in the cone of silence]
