Dinner for Schmucks (2010)
Steve Carell: Barry
Photos
Quotes
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Barry : Vincent Van Gogh. Everyone said to him, "You can't be a great painter, you only have one ear." And you know what he said? "I can't hear you."
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Barry : So dare to dream. Dream your wildest dreams. You can climb the highest mountain. You can drown in a teacup, if you find a big enough teacup. And if somebody tells you that you can't do something, you say, 'Yes, I can. 'Cause I'm doing it right now!'
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Barry : [Whilst holding a picture of Nelson Mandela] He's friends with Morgan Freeman!
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Darla : [seductively] I'm a naughty little schoolgirl...
Barry : You look a little old to be a schoolgirl.
Darla : I need to be punished. I cheated in class. Don't you want to be my school teacher?
Barry : I'm really not qualified I work for the IRS.
Darla : [winks] Not tonight...
Barry : No, all the time. I work...
Darla : Ok, ok! You work for the IRS and I have been very, very bad. I haven't paid my taxes and I need to be spanked, NOW!
Barry : Well, that's really not the way it works, you probably just have to pay the difference, plus interest...
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Barry : When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. Unless you don't have any water or sugar. And then you just eat the lemons, and the rind will give you diarrhea.
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Barry : Well, I try to look at the bright side. I guess you could say I'm an eternal optometrist.
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Therman : Now tell us, Barry, why did your wife leave? Spit it out of your mouth. Say it. Say it, boy.
Barry : I lost her clitoris!
Robin : You lost her clitoris?
Barry : She got mad because I couldn't find it, and I said 'It's probably in your purse,' because nine times out of 10 when she loses something, that's where they end up.
Robin : Barry, do you even know what that is?
Barry : I don't know what half the stuff in her purse is.
Therman : Don't worry Barry. I found it. It was in her purse. It was in her naughty purse.
Robin : Wow. Well thank God somebody found it, right?
Barry : I thought I found it under the couch. Turns out it was just an old piece of chewing gum.
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Barry : OK, may I give you some advice too? Do not wear fishnets on New Year's Eve. It's too cold. When the wind blows, you gotta go with the hose.
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Barry : SWITZERLAND. I LOVE SWITZERLAND. And your cheese, Does the cheese come out of the cow with the holes?
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Barry : He slept with Martha at my house! I was under the bed the whole time. What an idiot!
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Kieran : Have you ever just spent five months living with a herd of goats, as one of them?
Barry : No.
Kieran : No? That surprises me. The thing about a goat is, it never denies itself what it's hungry for.
Barry : A goat will eat anything. A goat could probably eat a bike.
Kieran : A goat could eat itself, if it was driven to it. I'm just a goat... who's halfway through eating itself.
Barry : Just to be clear, what exactly are we talking about?
Kieran : Everything.
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Tim : Julie.
Müeller : I thought this was Julie.
Julie : Nope. I'm Julie.
Barry : They are both Julie. Julie and Julie.
Julie : Susana thought you were gonna lose your promotion if I didn't show up today. Look at your. You had a replacement all lined up.
Darla : Yeah.
Tim : No, no, no. This is a huge misunderstanding.
Barry : Let me explain. This is Darla. She's a naughty schoolgirl who cheats on her taxes. I didn't know whether you were gonna come today, so I brought Darla to keep things running smoothly. Very important potential client.
Julie : That clears that up. Yeah. Thank you.
Darla : Darling, you're embarrassing yourself.
[pulls up engagement ring]
Darla : It's over.
Julie : She's really quite a catch, Tim. Congratulations.
Tim : No! Julie...
Julie : [shakes hands] Nice to have met you. He's very crafty.
