Numb3rs (2005–2010)

Rob Morrow: Don Eppes

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Charlie Eppes : Don't call me Chuck.

  Don Eppes : What if I called you 'chuckie'?

  Charlie Eppes : What if I called you 'Donald'?

  Don Eppes : What if I called you 'nerd'?

• Don Eppes : [picks up paper airplane off floor]  Who made this?

  Charlie Eppes : Me. Why?

  Don Eppes : Well, wings are a little thin here, buddy.

  Dr. Larry Fleinhardt : Hey, wait, wait, let me see this.

  Charlie Eppes : Forgive me if all my years of advanced applied mathematics take issue with that assessment.

  Don Eppes : Yeah, well, you'll forgive me if all my years of high school detention say I'm right.

• Don Eppes : So what does all your behavioral science training tell you about a grown man who still lives with his mother?

  Megan Reeves : Probably about the same as two brothers still mooching meals at their dad's house three nights a week.

• Charlie Eppes : [Larry has been waxing philosophical]  Is that the kind of stuff you talk about with Megan at lunch?

  Don Eppes : [Don and Dad are surprised; Larry looks at Charlie, who grins mischievously]  Wait, ho-ho-hold on. You and Megan went out to lunch?

  Alan Eppes : Oh, please tell me you ordered something other than white food.

  [the Eppes men laugh] 

  Dr. Larry Fleinhardt : [trying to maintain some dignity]  This was a meal shared by two inquisitive minds in an intellectual pursuit.

  Charlie Eppes : [grinning bigger]  Of course it was, like all your lunches with David. Oh, and with Colby.

  Dr. Larry Fleinhardt : [matter-of-factly]  A gamma ray burst will release more energy in ten seconds than the sun will emit in its entire ten-billion-year lifespan.

  Don Eppes : I got it, what's the Hulk's real name?

  Charlie Eppes : Um, Bruce Banner.

  Don Eppes : That's right. I mean, didn't gamma rays turn him into the Hulk?

  Dr. Larry Fleinhardt : [still matter-of-factly]  They come from the furthest ends of the universe, and after 45 years, we're still uncertain of their origin.

  [turns to leave] 

  Alan Eppes : And?

  Dr. Larry Fleinhardt : [pointedly matter-of-fact]  And we're closer to an answer on *that* than the three of you are ever going to get on *this*.

  [smirks slightly, and closes the door behind him] 

• Don Eppes : So, about your dream?

  Charlie Eppes : Dad got shot. It was during a holdup, at the deli. It was... pretty upsetting.

  Don Eppes : Yeah, I'm sure...

  Charlie Eppes : And... mom made pancakes.

  Don Eppes : [pauses]  Pancakes?

  Charlie Eppes : [shrugs]  I don't even dream normal...

• Don Eppes : I guess I was inspired by Mr. Heisenberg, just like Charlie here suggested.

  Alan Eppes : Heisenberg? What do you mean, the physicist?

  Don Eppes : Yeah.

  Alan Eppes : Oh. Your brother goes into a dangerous confrontation with heavily armed felons, and you prepare him with a lecture on the movement of subatomic particles?

  Charlie Eppes : Yep. It worked, didn't it?

• Don Eppes : Look, please don't do this.

  Charlie Eppes : Don't do what, Don? Go ahead. Go ahead and try to tell me what it is that I'm doing. You don't even know what it is I'm doing.

  Don Eppes : Actually, I do. The thing is, I don't think you do.

  Dr. Larry Fleinhardt : Okay, I'm going to go contemplate the koi pond.

  Don Eppes : Charlie, look, you helped us find these guys once before. You can do it again. Come on.

  Charlie Eppes : Why, so you can get shot again?

  Don Eppes : No, buddy, look. Understand, I appreciate you care about me, but it's not going to happen.

  Charlie Eppes : Statistically, you're dead now. You understand what that means? A man aimed a gun at your head and fired. The fact that you survived is an anomaly, and it's unlikely to be the outcome of a second such encounter.

• Don Eppes : Hey, Dad. What are you doing here?

  Alan Eppes : Well, I-I like coming whenever Charlie gives one of these math-for-dummies lectures. It's the only time I actually understand what he's talking about.

• Alan Eppes : Ah, I'm just a little nervous.

  Terry Lake : Don't worry-everything looks wonderful. In fact, your son could learn a few things from you. Know where we went on our first date?

  Don Eppes : All right, all right, all right, all right.

  Terry Lake : The laundromat. Dinner was pizza.

  Don Eppes : A little professionalism...

  Alan Eppes : You don't say... How interesting.

• Alan Eppes : Yeah, yeah, sure. I need you to come to dinner... at the house, on Wednesday. I have a date.

  Don Eppes : Oh yeah? A date? Hey, well, that's good. With who?

  Alan Eppes : Well, it's someone Art knows from yoga. Yeah, her name's Jill. He says she's smart, she's funny, and, uh, quite flexible. So, I, I, eh, I, wh-, we're having dinner at the house, and I would like you to be there.

  Don Eppes : Hey, look, hey. No. Just take her somewhere low-key, you'll do fine.

  Alan Eppes : Look, it's my first date in over thirty-five years; I would like memorable instead of low-key.

  Don Eppes : Low-key and memorable aren't mutually exclusive. You know what my favorite date ever was? Pepperoni pizza at a laundromat.

  Alan Eppes : Yes, which explains the conspicuous absence of grandchildren. So, Wednesday, 7:30. Bring a date?

• Charlie Eppes : Why do they want pictures of us?

  Don Eppes : Just... "Calls back" He's a famous mathematician!

  Charlie Eppes : Don't do that.

  Don Eppes : Hey, get your vogue on, Charlie.

• Charlie Eppes : What are you doing here?

  Don Eppes : Hey. Well, I'm ready to party like it's 1899.

• Don Eppes : Dad, sorry, we gotta go.

  Alan Eppes : Sure, right. Couldn't get any worse.

  Don Eppes : Listen: alcohol. Lots of alcohol.

  Alan Eppes : For who?

• Charlie Eppes : There's something else that has to be considered.

  Don Eppes : Like what?

  Charlie Eppes : Heisenberg's uncertainty principle. Heisenberg noted that the act of observation will effect the observed; in other words, when you watch something, you change it, and uh, uh, for example, an electron, you know, you can't really measure it without bumping into it in some small way. Any physical act of observation requires interaction with a form of energy, like light, and that will change the nature of the electron, its path of travel.

  Don Eppes : Hold on. You know I got, like, a C in physics, so just take me through how this relates to the case.

  Charlie Eppes : Don, you've observed the robbers. They know it. That will change their actions.

• Alan Eppes : Checkmate.

  Don Eppes : Checkmate.

  Charlie Eppes : Oh, yeah, I see. You guys are ganging up on me, huh? You did that on purpose, that little distraction thing.

• [repeated line] 

  Don Eppes : Three, two, one; execute!