Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories (2005 Video Game)

Danny Mastrogiorgio: Toni Cipriani

Quotes 

• Maria Latore : Do you want to come in for a... uh... coffee?

  Toni Cipriani : I'll pass.

• Toni Cipriani : Hey! JD, get out here! Hey JD, you little sicko, get the fuck out here, before I come in there and break your legs!

  JD O'Toole : [JD emerges wearing a gimp suit]  I'm coming... but not like that, hahaha! Hey, Toni, que pasa? Give us a hug.

  Toni Cipriani : [pushes JD away]  Whoa, you're sticky!

  JD O'Toole : Oh, it's the stripper stuff they put all over me, you know. They like it, you know. They put it anywhere and uh... so, how you doing?

  Toni Cipriani : What the fuck are you wearing?

  JD O'Toole : What, this? I'm an adventurous lover. You know I like... an experimental side, y'know? Nothing wrong with that, huh? You can watch if you like.

  Toni Cipriani : Oh, you're sick. You better shut the fuck up right now.

  JD O'Toole : Okay, relax, Toni...

  Toni Cipriani : Where's my money?

  JD O'Toole : See, that's the problem. We are getting ripped off. Alright, now you wait here. I gotta go change out of, uh... this thing, you know.

  [goes back inside] 

  JD O'Toole : Hey Raven, time to put away the double ender.

• Leon McAffrey : You took your time, Toni.

  Toni Cipriani : You say jump, I say screw you.

• Vincenzo Cilli : [over Toni's phone]  Hey Toni, how's the car?

  Toni Cipriani : You son of a bitch, Vinnie! You set me up!

  Vincenzo Cilli : Set you up? SET YOU UP? When you came back to the city you had nothing! *NOTHING!* I set you up alright, you ungrateful bastard - with an apartment and a job! And for that generosity I expect you to take a few risks now and then. I ain't a charity, pal, okay? And I ain't your sugar daddy. So the police were watching the car! Screw the police! When I tell you to do something, you do it. Capiche?

  Toni Cipriani : Oh yeah, I understand, Vinnie. I understand that as long as I work for you, I get treated like a bitch. I was making scores while you were looking up girls' skirts. Have your bitch job back, "boss". I quit!

  Vincenzo Cilli : Toni, you're making a big...

  [Toni hangs up] 

• Donald Love : I do so hate goodbyes my friend. Let's just say 'adieu'.

  Toni Cipriani : D... it's been an education.

• Toshiko Kasen : Do you think I'm a bad person, Mister Toni?

  Toni Cipriani : Well, princess, I ain't exactly a saint.

• Leon McAffrey : You greaseballs wanna put holes in each other, I don't give a shit. All I care about is my cut.

  Toni Cipriani : I love a man of principle.

  Leon McAffrey : Well, me too. I go to all their memorial services in fast cars with hot broads.

• JD O'Toole : Oh God, I can't believe this. Why am I to blame? It's not my fault. But you know Salvatore, he's gonna get the vice squad on my ass. Oh my God, it's gonna be like those statutory rape charges. Have you ever been in prison on statutory rape charges, man? They come at you in the showers! Oh my God, and she was 18! Oh my God! This is gonna be worse!

  Toni Cipriani : Listen you babbling cock sucker, what in God's name is wrong?

  JD O'Toole : It's Salvatore. He was kidnapped while leaving the club.

  Toni Cipriani : Why didn't you say so? Instead of making me listen to that crap. Come on.

• Vincenzo Cilli : Oh, it's YOU!

  Toni Cipriani : Yeah, how 'bout that. It's me, what do you know?

• Toni Cipriani : Well how do I know I ain't about to be shaken down by every dirty cop from here to Vice City?

• Toni Cipriani : Don't worry, D.L. Evidence goes missing all the time. As well as judges, witnesses, jurors...

• Toni Cipriani : O'Donnovan is a communist.

• Toni Cipriani : O'Donnovan supports compulsory buggery!

• Toni Cipriani : O'Donnovan wears his daughters underwear!

• [as Vincenzo introduces Toni his new house] 

  Vincenzo Cilli : This is it, Toni: 'Home sweet home'. Beautiful, ain't she?

  Toni Cipriani : This shithole is supposed to be my home?

• Toni Cipriani : What have you taken now?

  Maria Latore : Nothing.

  Toni Cipriani : What was it this time, huh? Smack? Downers? Ludes? A little too much trumpet? Not enough Diceypam? A little too much sideways, not enough up?

  Maria Latore : [revealing black eye]  Shut up, Toni!

  Toni Cipriani : Who did this to you?

  Maria Latore : No one.

  Toni Cipriani : Who was it?

  Maria Latore : This guy I'm seeing. Wayne.

  Toni Cipriani : Some guy you're seeing... You're my boss's girl!

  Maria Latore : C'mon Toni, don't be so square. Besides, he gets me this great speed, y'know? A girl needs a lift. Plus it makes you really wild in bed.

  Toni Cipriani : Shut up! Why did he do this to you, this dead prick Wayne?

  Maria Latore : I told him I was in love with somebody else. I told him about me and you, Toni. And then he hit me!

  Toni Cipriani : There is no you and me! Christ, you're killing me! Where is this Wayne?

  Maria Latore : He deals at a bar down in Chinatown. I love you, Toni Cipriani!

• Salvatore Leone : Well?

  Toni Cipriani : Well what?

  Salvatore Leone : Don't play dumb with me, kid. I was playing dumb when your mother was still turning tricks.

  Toni Cipriani : What's your problem?

  Salvatore Leone : I know what you've been saying about me. You think I'm an idiot? Huh?

  [pulls out a gun] 

  Salvatore Leone : Is that what you think?

  Toni Cipriani : Boss, I ain't been saying nothin' about you.

  Salvatore Leone : What the fuck. I don't know what's happening to me. Jesus. I'm getting paranoid, Toni. Really fucking paranoid. Just because I think everyone hates me doesn't mean they don't, know what I mean? Someone is out to get me. It's that fucking mayor! He's gonna blame me for all the shit that's been going down in the neighborhood. All of it! Not just the crap that I did, but all of it.

• Maria Latore : [Toni pulls up at diner with Maria]  Why'd you bring me here? My stuff isn't here.

  Toni Cipriani : Then where the hell are they?

  Maria Latore : [tells him some other place]  This is where Wayne and his friends used to hang out.

  Bikers : [as Toni and Maria are about to drive away]  Hey, it's that bitch Maria, and it's the fuck who killed Wayne.