My Super Ex-Girlfriend (2006)
Luke Wilson: Matt Saunders
Photos
Quotes
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Jenny Johnson : [after breaking the bed while having sex] I'm sorry. I'll get you a new one.
Matt Saunders : A bed or a penis?
Jenny Johnson : Both.
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[over the phone]
Matt Saunders : What's going on there?
Vaughn Haige : Some big fire on 73rd and Broadway. Everything's burning.
Matt Saunders : Is anyone hurt?
Vaughn Haige : I don't know, probably. It's blocking my way to the gym.
Matt Saunders : All my thoughts are with you in this time of crisis.
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Jenny Johnson : I gotta go to the bathroom.
Matt Saunders : You didn't just go to the bathroom?
Jenny Johnson : Are you keeping track? That's kind of creepy.
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Matt Saunders : You're that Bedlam guy.
Professor Bedlam : Professor Bedlam.
Matt Saunders : The super villain.
Professor Bedlam : Please, I am not super. I am not a villain. I'm just a regular man like yourself with a thousand times more money, intelligence and taste.
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Matt Saunders : Go and hide out somewhere. San Diego, Tahiti, Utah. No! Not Utah. Utah sucks.
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[after revealing her secret to Matt]
Jenny Johnson : Say "I'd rather have a chainsaw shoved up my ass than tell."
Matt Saunders : Is that a possibility?
Jenny Johnson : Say it!
Matt Saunders : Ok. I'd rather have a chainsaw shoved up my ass than tell.
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Carla Dunkirk : You are headed for some serious trouble.
Matt Saunders : I hear you, Homegirl. I got it.
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Hannah Lewis : [referring to Jenny] She sounds like a nutcase.
Matt Saunders : So you're saying she's perfect for me.
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Carla Dunkirk : You were staring at her butt.
Hannah Lewis : [smiling; flattered] He was?
Matt Saunders : No I wasn't...
Carla Dunkirk : Yes he was!
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[as they're floating up in the sky]
Jenny Johnson : I've always wanted to try this.
Matt Saunders : Try what?
[Jenny unzips his pants]
Matt Saunders : That. Wow. I'm not sure that's gonna work up here. It's drafty, too.
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Jenny Johnson : I'm ready.
Matt Saunders : That's what I call structural integrity.
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Matt Saunders : I find your argument both repugnant and intriguing.
Vaughn Haige : That's kind of my thing.
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Matt Saunders : Why did you call me?
Hannah Lewis : [dejected] Steve was cheating on me. I caught him in bed with another woman. Actually, two other women. Maybe three. I don't know, I didn't really get a good look.
Matt Saunders : [he thinks Steve is a rat, but is nevertheless impressed with his sexual prowess] Three, eh? Wow.
Hannah Lewis : Steve was so good-looking, and he loved jazz, and rock-climbing; he took me to nice places, and he gave me multiple orgasms...
Matt Saunders : [interrupts her] I don't really need to hear that.
Hannah Lewis : The thing is, I never really had any fun with him. Not like I have with you. You've been a really good friend to me, Matt Saunders.
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Matt Saunders : I'm not going to help you kill her!
Professor Bedlam : Kill? I didn't say "kill"! I said "neutralize"! It's a neutral word... like Switzerland!
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[the purse-snatcher runs away, having dropped Jenny's handbag]
Matt Saunders : That's right, you better run, asshole! Keep running, my man. You don't want any of this! Keep running! Yeah!
[purse snatcher comes back around the corner with a lead pipe in his hands]
Scary Dude : What'd you call me?
Matt Saunders : Holy shit!
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[over the phone, as Vaughn watches G-Girl put out a fire by spinning up a whirlwind]
Vaughn Haige : It's G-Girl! She's doing her thing!
Matt Saunders : Are you serious? You lucky S.O.B., I've never seen her in person. How does she look?
Vaughn Haige : She looks...
Matt Saunders : What?
Vaughn Haige : ...blurry! But still pretty hot!
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Matt Saunders : Hannah!
Vaughn Haige : Oh, man, I think she's dead. Time to start the grieving process.
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Matt Saunders : I think everybody's preoccupied with what's happening. Maybe if someone could just take care of the problem, everyone can have a better night, a smoother night, know what I mean?
Jenny Johnson : You'd like that, wouldn't you?
Matt Saunders : Yeah, I'd appreciate it. In fact, I'd super-appreciate it.
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Professor Bedlam : I have developed the means of permanently stripping her of her powers.
Matt Saunders : No powers? So she'd just be another average, everyday, run-of-the-mill, crazy ex-girlfriend?
Professor Bedlam : Yeah. That's gotta be better.
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Jenny Johnson : [seductively, walking toward him slowly] Matt Saunders, I'm afraid you've been a very evil boy. I think you need to be brought to justice.
Matt Saunders : [with a big grin on his face] Oh, yeah, I have been known to break a few rules here and there.
Jenny Johnson : [still seductive] Total, unequivocal justice.
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Matt Saunders : If you could have any superpower, what would it be?
Vaughn Haige : The ability to gratify myself orally.
Matt Saunders : Interesting. But wouldn't that be a little...
Matt Saunders , Vaughn Haige : Gay.
Vaughn Haige : No.
Matt Saunders : Yeah.
Vaughn Haige : Not at all. Think about it.
Matt Saunders : Really? It seems that way.