I Could Never Be Your Woman (2007)
Michelle Pfeiffer: Rosie
Photos
Quotes
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Older TV exec : Courtney Love?
Producer : Drugged-out hag.
Older TV exec : Faye Dunaway?
Producer : Don't call us, we'll call you!
Older TV exec : Sharon Stone?
Producer : Hag.
Older TV exec : Geena Davis?
Producer : Hag.
Older TV exec : Sigourney Weaver?
Producer : Hag.
Older TV exec : Kim Basinger?
Producer : Hag.
Older TV exec : Emma Thompson?
Producer : Brit hag.
Older TV exec : Susan Sarandon?
Producer : Red-state-alienating hag!
Older TV exec : Meg Ryan?
Producer : Too much plastic surgery.
Older TV exec : Melanie Griffith?
Producer : WAY too much plastic surgery.
Older TV exec : Patricia Heaton?
Producer : *Pointless* plastic surgery.
Older TV exec : CHER.
Producer : *Insurmountable* amount of plastic surgery!
Rosie : [who's been overhearing all this from the next chair & getting increasingly annoyed, swings round & grabs the Producer by the chin] Listen, you little bird of a man, where do you come off insulting these women? How many hit songs did you sing? How many Oscars do *you* have? Could you look cute next to Warren Beatty? Or live with Don Johnson? Or act with Ted Danson? You're not worthy of kissing Cher's tattooed ass!
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Rosie : So that's how it ends? The most powerful male gets the most babelicious female?
Mother Nature : That's right.
Rosie : Well, what if there's a really cute male antelope, or a female that shows signs of leadership?
Mother Nature : Useless.
Rosie : Why?
Mother Nature : Look, there's an order to this mating business.
Rosie : Why can't we change things?
Mother Nature : Haven't you self-centered, pec-loading assholes changed enough? It's not natural!
Rosie : What's so great about natural?
Mother Nature : What?
Rosie : Think about it. Tobacco is natural, Prozac's unnatural. Earthquakes are natural, television's unnatural. Natural sucks!
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Rosie : Putz: noun - a yokel; a jerk.
Censor : My rabbi consultant said it means penis.
Rosie : We're allowed to say penis!
Censor : Yes, you can say penis, but this is the bad penis. Like 'prick'.
Rosie : And... what exactly is the *good* penis?
Adam : [starts to take off his belt and unbutton his pants] Check it out.
[snickers from ensemble of 'You Go Girl' actors]
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[last lines]
Mother Nature : This is good. Now you can settle down and act your age.
Rosie : What's that supposed to mean? Easy listening and orthopedic shoes?
Mother Nature : That sounds about right, yeah.
Rosie : No, I don't wanna do that. I wanna stay passionate. I-I wanna scream at rock concerts, and-and get angry at the news. And - I wanna wear miniskirts!
Mother Nature : You're gonna look ridiculous!
Rosie : Yeah, well, when enough people are ridiculous, it starts to look normal.