- Murdock: They don't let crazy people vote! They take that right away from you once you're commited. We are also immune to fear. We cannot connect emotionally to the concept of cerebal damage.
- B.A. Baracus: I gettin' tired of this crazy rap, Murdock.
- Murdock: How do you think I feel about it? I have to listen to it all day.
- Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [Representing himself as his own agent] Your script, 'Sinbad goes to Mars', is absolutely beautiful and John is perfect casting as the Martian.
- Amy Amanda Allen: We found a book called 'The Reformed Convict' by Dwight Pepper.
- Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Dr. Pepper? Are you kidding?
- Amy Amanda Allen: It's his first book. He's a doctor of psychology from L.S.U
- Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Face, you're the good doctor.
- Joey: I don't have time to make ashtrays!
- B.A. Baracus: I know, neither do I. But since I got put in charge of arts and crafts, I *make* time.
- Murdock: [shouting] Trash bags! I want some trash bags!
- Prison Psychiatrist: Do you have any trashbags? Maybe he'll but his inside and suffocate.