- Peter Dragon: Life is filled with things that you just can't predict. Ned Beatty goes on a rafting trip in "Deliverance," winds up getting sodomized by hillbillies. Eddie Murphy stops to give a girl a ride home, turns out she has a bigger schlong than he does. One night you go out for McDonald's and accidentally hack your ex-wife and Ron Goldman to death. These things happen. The point is that things can change 180 degrees in a split second.
- Holden Van Dorn: Caleb... Caleb is more like a... he's like a... he's like a lobster. You know? Like, low to the ground, moves on his own time, he's got a hard shell, he hates butter. Stuff like that.
- Peter Dragon: Hey, what's this? You're hiding donuts in your pocket?
- Reagan Lauren Busch: No... this isn't my jacket.
- Peter Dragon: This isn't your jack- We had this made for you, it has your name on it.
- Reagan Lauren Busch: Well then they made it with the donut in it.
- Peter Dragon: What?
- Stuart Glazer: [to Jenny] I don't think you understand my stature around here.
- Stuart Glazer: Hey, worthless!
- Peter Dragon: Yes?
- Holden Van Dorn: I am the star, Peter, I'm the star!
- [shouting]
- Holden Van Dorn: I have to have the bigger codpiece!
- Peter Dragon: Yeah, I read that in Laurence Olivier's book 'Acting with your crotch'.
- Holden Van Dorn: Who the fuck is Laurence Olivier?
- Peter Dragon: Exactly.
- Peter Dragon: [shouting] Get him up on the catwalk and get him on the damn rope! I want him hanging from that rope faster than O.J. at a clan rally.
- Paramedic #1: Okay, let's get the paperwork done. What's the T.O.D.?
- Paramedic #2: I'll check. Time of death: 9.30, Thursday night.
- [as the first paramedic notes it down]
- Paramedic #2: Hey, this is a nice watch.