- [first lines]
- Himself - Host: [introduction] Good evening. Due to circumstances beyond our control, tragedy will not strike tonight. I'm dreadfully sorry, perhaps some other time. However, I've just witnessed a sneak preview of this evening's story and I found it simply frightening. Sometimes, death is not the worst that can befall a man. And I don't refer to torture or any type of violence. I mean the quiet, little insidious devices that can drive a man out of his mind, like putting bubble gum in someone's coat pocket. Tonight's little frolic is called 'The Case of Mr. Pelham'.
- [last lines]
- Himself - Host: [afterword, Hitchcock is struggling with two orderlies] But I'm Alfred Hitchcock. I am, I can prove it!
- Orderly: Sure, sure, everybody is.
- Himself - Host: I am, I insist.
- [the orderlies carry him away as the camera pans to another Hitchcock]
- Himself - Host: An astounding hoax. He carried off the impersonation brilliantly, except for one thing: bubble-gum in his pocket, indeed. Alfred Hitchcock wouldn't be caught dead with bubble gum in his pocket.
- [gunshot]
- Himself - Host: Poor chap. If you'll excuse me, I need a moment to pull myself together.