- Sydney Bristow: You know any jokes? Cause I could use one.
- Michael Vaughn: This grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says: "Hey, we have a drink named after you." And the grasshopper says...
- Sydney Bristow: You have a drink named Doug?
- Michael Vaughn: Well I was going to use Phil.
- Sydney Bristow: [big smile] Phil is certainly no funnier than Doug.
- Michael Vaughn: [big smile] Well, I'm sorry. It's a non-humorous joke.
- Will Tippin: Oh, I got my, uh, thirty days sobriety chip. Even though I was never drug addict, I'm kind of proud.
- Jack Bristow: Please try to understand what I'm about to tell you, Sydney. After your mother left, I tested Project Christmas on you because I didn't want you to be a victim. I thought it was my responsibility to teach you how to think strategically, to see through people's lies, to be as strong as you could be in an environment where one mistake could cost you your life.
- Sydney Bristow: Then you should've told me the truth before I ended up here.
- Jack Bristow: Yes, you're right! I never intended you to lead a double life. I imagined recruiting you into the CIA after you finished college. But Sloane got to you first, and that is a mistake I will never live down.
- Sydney Bristow: I'd like to believe you, but I don't trust anything you say.
- Sydney Bristow: When my mom first came back into my life, I wanted her dead. So how the hell did I become the person who's trying to save her?
- Sydney Bristow: You're selling your car?
- Will Tippin: Yeah, well, it's either that or I quit paying my student loans. I can't afford to have bad credit and a criminal record.
- Michael Vaughn: Remember the rumour going around the agency around the Cold War about the Soviets raising sleeper agents as Americans? Now, I know it sounds potentially paranoid, but this is how they would do it if they managed to get their test in circulation here. They could have contacted hundreds of kids.
- Jack Bristow: She pled guilty to keep you from witnessing her trial, Sydney, from having you see photos of the agents she savagely murdered, including Vaughn's father. She knew if you sat through that, whatever sympathy she'd managed to elicit from you would vanish, so she cast herself as the victim to compel you to save her and guess what? You fell for it.
- Jack Bristow: I spent a decade with this woman and another twenty years analyzing how she could have deceived me for so long. Trust me when I tell you, I am protecting you.
- Sydney Bristow: No, you're not. I think you loved Mom so much that when she left you, you lost your soul. You know what else I think? I think the kind of man who'd use his own daughter to frame her mother, who'd test psych experiments when she was six-years-old is the kind of man who looks at his daughter and sees his greatest mistake.
- Jack Bristow: You can't honestly believe that.
- Sydney Bristow: It's true, isn't it? If Mom hadn't fooled you, if you hadn't been so gullible, I never would have been born. I'm going to finish reviewing the mission now.
- Michael Vaughn: Look, I know this will drive you insane, but we can't employ you because you have a criminal record.
- Will Tippin: I have a criminal record because of a drug habit I never had.
- Jack Bristow: If you're wondering why that man mistook you for your mother, he worked for her. I skimmed the research as it was downloading. Before she surrendered to the CIA, Irina deliberately ordered Sark to expose some of her own operatives to the virus in order to study it. Ask yourself if that's a person worth saving.
- Arvin Sloane: I had toxicology analyze the glass of wine that somehow made its way into my house last week. They found a compound called VTX which counteracts the effects of sodium morphate. Sodium morphate is the poison I used to... end Emily's suffering.
- Jack Bristow: I see two possibilities. Either Emily predicted your intention to euthanize her, took the necessary countermeasures and is now playing a game with you, or the more likely scenario, someone wants you to believe Emily's alive or worse, they'll try and make the Alliance believe it, too.
- Jack Bristow: [talking about Syd at his hearing] When I look at her, when I look at the little girl who raised herself to become one of the most extraordinary human beings and one of the finest agents I've ever had the privilege of knowing, I see only the promise of my own redemption. Turning myself in was the only way I could think of to make that clear to her, to prove that despite... my limited abilities as a father, I love her more than I could ever say.
- Sydney Bristow: Did you close your eyes at all?
- Michael Vaughn: Not enough. You talk in your sleep.
- Sydney Bristow: No... What did I say?
- Michael Vaughn: "Don't frost the Pie." It seemed really important.
- [They laugh]
- Sydney Bristow: I had no idea...