American Dad! (TV Series)

Deacon Stan, Jesus Man (2005)

Scott Grimes: Steve Smith

Quotes 

• Steve Smith : I touched her hand. Her hand touched her boob. By the transitive property, I got some boob. Algebra's awesome!

• Steve Smith : Hi, Betsy. Steve Smith. We were in first grade together before you Ieft for gymnastics camp.

  Betsy : Steve! Great to see you again.

  Steve Smith : Are you still into the juice and crackers thing?

  Betsy : No. I'm on an ultra-strict diet. I can only eat what Coach Béla Kàrolyi approves.

  [holds up glass of water with a lemon wedge] 

  Bela Karolyi : Lemon wedge? Fatty wants a lemon wedge? Here's your precious lemon wedge!

  [rubs a whole lemon into Betsy's face] 

• Stanley Smith : [discussing Francine's potato salad]  What if I told you that it contained a horrible ingredient? An unholy ingredient.

  Karl Rove : Unholy, you say?

  Karl Rove : [stands up and opens his robe, traumatizing the entire family then sits back down]  Anything else?

  Steve Smith : Where... where does your food go?

• Hayley Smith : Steve, are you sure you want to have this child?

  Steve Smith : Yeah, I guess so. Roger, what do you say? You ready, partner?

  Roger : [slurred]  Oh, yeah. Fatherhood. Jazzed. It's not Iike I wanted to do anything with my life, like Iearn to surf or go to JerusaIem.

  Steve Smith : Are you drunk?

  Roger : Get used to it!

  [slams the door] 

• Stanley Smith : You know what? The hell with Chuck White! And forget the deaconship! Son, you're keeping your alien baby.

  Steve Smith : Thanks, Dad.

  Doctor : Did you say "alien baby"?

  Stanley Smith : No, I said "doctor's corpse found in desert."

• Steve Smith : [after seeing Betsy White]  Jesus, Joseph and Mary Lou Retton!

• Steve Smith : Uh, Mom? Dad? I think I'm pregnant.

  [lifts up his shirt to show his pregnant stomach] 

  Hayley Smith : You can't be pregnant! You're a virgin... and a boy!

  Steve Smith : Tell that to my swollen ankles and tender nipples!

• Doctor : Steve, I spoke to your father, and he informs me you have a growth you wouId Iike me to ''take care of."

  Stanley Smith : You know, that ''inside zit'' we talked about.

  Steve Smith : So you want me to get rid of it. But I thought we were conservatives.

  Stanley Smith : We are, in America. Down here, we're just Juan and Pedro Gomez, orange farmers from Oaxaca, who've come in for a delicate procedure.

  Steve Smith : Okay, Dad. I know if Mr White found out you had a pregnant son, he'd be aII and you'd be all, "Every freakin' time!" So I won't have this baby.

  Stanley Smith : Wait. You think that's what this is all about? Beating Chuck White? Am I that awful?

  Steve Smith : Dad, we're in Mexico. I'm in stirrups.

  Doctor : And I've been drinking.