- Stan Smith: [watching games shows] This is what Roger does? He just sits here and watches this crap all day? What am I missing?
- Klaus: An elevated blood-alcohol content.
- Roger the Alien: I've waited my whole life to do this. The finger pyramid of evil contemplation. Feels good.
- Roger the Alien: So, were you serious about trading places?
- Stan Smith: Hey, you want to start a job, pay the bills, deal with everyone's problems? Be my guest. When it all gets too much for you, I'll be getting drunk up in the attic.
- Roger the Alien: Cops already? What, are we next door to a freakin' Krispy Kreme?
- Stan Smith: You're thinking about donuts now?
- Roger the Alien: No, I'm just saying the cops got here fast!
- Stan Smith: What the hell do fast cops have to do with a Krispy Kreme?
- Roger the Alien: Because cops love donuts!
- Stan Smith: You are not making any sense!
- [the police car stops as Roger hides in the trunk of Stan's car, then the cop comes out]
- Stan Smith: Evening, officer. Is there a...
- [vomits right onto the cop's chest, who glares at him, then he's soon after put under house arrest for DUI]
- Klaus: If that were a real Wish Bowl, it would be in the Ferrari of a 600-year-old Incan on the way to his job as Jessica Alba's g-string.