- Cordelia: So here I am at L'Petite Renard with "Mr. Armani" who could keep me in blue boxes for the rest of my life...
- Angel: Blue boxes?
- Cordelia: Tiffany's. God! And the whole night I was bored silly. All I could think about was if this wimp saw a monster he'd probably throw a shoe at it and run like a weasel. Turns out the shoe part was giving him too much credit.
- Angel: There aren't very many people who wouldn't run. It's just human nature.
- Cordelia: Yeah. But, all of a sudden, rich and handsome wasn't enough for me. Now I expect a guy to be all brave and interesting. And it's your fault, both of you.
- Angel: Well, maybe not. Maybe you're changing. And that could be a good thing.
- Cordelia: Or disastrous. As if I wasn't confused enough, then Doyle comes along and rescues me like some badly-dressed superhero. He was really beat up. But, you know the first thing he asked? "Are you okay?"
- Cordelia: Doyle taught third grade? The kind with children?
- Harriett 'Harry' Doyle: Well, yeah.
- Cordelia: Are you sure he wasn't just held back and used that as a cover story?
- Uncle John: Rick, what's this?
- Rick: You said get a utensil...
- Uncle John: This is a shrimp fork. He's gonna eat the guy's brains with a shrimp fork?
- Rick: Well pardon me if our ancient ancestor didn't leave behind any former-husband-brain-eating-forks!
- Uncle John: Get a soup spoon, you moron.
- Cordelia: You'll get through this, Doyle. Nice guys don't always finish last.
- Allen Francis Doyle: You think I'm a nice guy?
- Cordelia: I think it, I say it. It's my way.
- [Doyle saved Cordelia from a vampire]
- Cordelia: You were so... brave.
- Allen Francis Doyle: You think you could say that again without so much shock in your voice? You're steppin' on my moment of manliness here.
- Cordelia: I'm sorry, I'm just, uh...
- Allen Francis Doyle: Surprised?
- Cordelia: Grateful.
- Cordelia: I was thinking that, uh, maybe I haven't been entirely fair to you. Maybe you don't actually have *zero* potential.
- Allen Francis Doyle: Wow, Cordelia. Thanks.
- Cordelia: Maybe Doyle does have hidden depths. I mean, really, *really* hidden. But depths. And I kinda have to buy him a mochaccino for saving my life.
- Allen Francis Doyle: [about Cordelia] She's not going to fall for my ample but unpretentious charms, is she?
- Angel: Unless by some unpretentious means you don't like to brag about your family's old money.
- Allen Francis Doyle: Hey, the only money in my family is underneath the couch cushions. Not to mention the fact that half of them are demons.
- Cordelia: I swore when I went down this road with Xander Harris, I'd rather be dead than date a fixer-upper again.
- Cordelia: Hi, Doyle. Are you gonna become loser pining guy, like, full time now? 'Cuz, you know, we already have one of those around the office.
- Angel: Hey.
- Allen Francis Doyle: Hey.
- Cordelia: He can get away with it. He's tall, and-and look at the way clothes hang on him. But you...
- Angel: O-Okay. I think you've cheered us up enough.
- [after one of Doyle's visions]
- Allen Francis Doyle: There's a young guy.
- Angel: Where?
- Allen Francis Doyle: Vampires have a nest downtown. Poor kid's gonna be the entrée.
- Angel: Let's go. Come on.
- Allen Francis Doyle: Everybody's got dinner plans but us.
- Allen Francis Doyle: You're marryin' that guy?
- Harriett 'Harry' Doyle: I know, it's wild, huh? I'm definitely the yin to his yang, but it works. He's got a good heart, Francis, just like you.
- Allen Francis Doyle: Yeah, maybe, but the container? Can I get a side of bland with that bland?
- Allen Francis Doyle: He's a demon? And she's all signed on to be Mrs. Demon? Tell me again how ugly he is.
- Allen Francis Doyle: So that's it then? That's your exciting plan for this evening? A book?
- Angel: I get enough excitement.
- Allen Francis Doyle: Yeah - of the evil-fighting variety. How about a little off-duty fun?
- Angel: Such as?
- Allen Francis Doyle: Two beautiful words: Sports Bar!
- [Angel gives him a look]
- Allen Francis Doyle: Come on! You know they have Trivia games on the Internet now? You can challenge against drunks around the world. Anything, please! I just can't sit around here while...
- Cordelia: [Coming in] While I steal into the night with my incredibly-more-wealthy-than-you prince?
- Angel: [Reading from a book] Here it is - Ano-movic. Once a nomadic tribe. At one time they did have violent leanings...
- Allen Francis Doyle: There! I knew this nice guy routine was just an act. He's working a spell on her. She gonna sprout hubcaps from her head or something.
- Angel: But they gave up those orthodox teachings, - language, - around the turn of the century.
- [closes the book and puts it down]
- Angel: Now they own a number of restaurants with pretty expensive windows.
- Richard Straley: You're not trying to back out, are you? Not after you gave your blessing.
- Allen Francis Doyle: Yeah, yeah. I take it back!
- Richard Straley: [Upset] Oh. - Well. - I see. - Now I'm not so sure I even *want* to eat your brains!
- Rick: Don't be petulant, Richard. You'll eat his brains. He can't take back a blessing. Now, apologize to your friend.
- Richard Straley: He's right. That was rude. I'd be honored to eat your brains.
- Pierce: I'm sorry you're not feeling well. I was hoping we could make a night of it.
- Cordelia: Me, too. I really wanted to hear the end of the story about the pigs and beans.
- Pierce: Don't you want me to take you home?
- Cordelia: My car is here.
- Pierce: Oh, wait, let me walk you.
- [takes Cordy's arm and turns her towards him]
- Pierce: I'm - I'm not really sure about this neighborhood.
- Vampire: [Jumping in from the shadows] You're right, - it's crappy
- [Attacks]
- Allen Francis Doyle: Hey, this Richard, you know, he looks like he'd give her a good life.
- Angel: Yeah
- Allen Francis Doyle: Seems like a nice - friendly fellow, don't you think?
- Angel: Definitely friendly, - only - he seemed a bit...
- Allen Francis Doyle: [Jumps up] Exactly! I knew he was no good! And even though we're ex, I mean, it's still my duty to watch over her, right? But I can't go trailing after her intended myself. I mean, it just wouldn't look right. Angel, you think you would...?
- Angel: Yeah. Just don't tell Cordelia. - She'll wanna charge you.
- Allen Francis Doyle: Look, Richard as much as I like your family, and they're great, - honest, - I'd really prefer if they *didn't* cannibalize me.
- Richard Straley: Oh, no! You misunderstand.
- Allen Francis Doyle: [Hopeful] I do?
- Richard Straley: Yeah. It'll just be me.
- Allen Francis Doyle: Why don't I just give you that hug and we can call it even?
- Brother Straley: [after Harry leaves Richard] You don't need her anyway.
- Party Goer: Yeah, who wants a wife whose knees only bend the one way?
- Uncle John: First, we greet the man of the hour. Then we drink. We bring out the food. Then we drink. Then we bring out the strippers. Darts... then we have the ritual eating of the first husband's brains, and then charades.
- Ben: [stunned] Wait, what was that?
- [Dramatic pause]
- Ben: Charades?
- Rick: Yeah, I don't know about that.