"Auf Wiedersehen, Pet" If I Were a Carpenter (TV Episode 1983) Poster

Tim Healy: Dennis Patterson

Photos 

Quotes 

  • Oz : Pelicans, penguins and the Inland Revenue have all got one thing in common.

    Dennis : What's that?

    Oz : They can all shove their bills up their arse.

  • Oz Osborne : [Neville, Oz and Dennis go into the hut for the first time]  Right, I'm dossing down here.

    Dennis Patterson : Just er, just get yourself a bed, Nev. It'll only be temporary, this, you know.

    Oz Osborne : Yeah and we'll start tunnelling tonight. I'll square it with the escape officer. Problem's gonna be the dogs, though, and er, where we're gonna put the sand...

    Dennis Patterson : Shut up Oz!

    Oz Osborne : And we're gonna need false papers and civvy clothes...

    Dennis Patterson : Shut up, man will ya.

    Oz Osborne : Well it's like that isn't it, you know what I mean? Ruas, raus, schnell, schnell !

  • Dennis Patterson : Hey Nev, you alright kid? What's happened?

    Neville Hope : Saw slipped, didn't it. It's only a question of what I lose first, this job or me right hand.

    Oz Osborne : Ah well I'm afraid you've written your last postcard son.

    Neville Hope : Aw leave us alone Oz, man.

    Oz Osborne : Hey that's your dart hand and all isn't it? Serious injury you know when you cannae chuck a dart, you'll not be able to hold dominoes.

    Dennis Patterson : Shut up man, Oz.

    Oz Osborne : Well you'll be popular with the Germans, anyway. At least they'll be able to keep up with your workrate.

    [Neville throws an object at Oz] 

    Oz Osborne : Oh dear, he's just thrown a tantrum. Oh no, it's a shoe brush

    [laughs] 

    Neville Hope : Everything's a joke to you, isn't it Oz? Just a permanent clown, you are.

    Oz Osborne : Aye well son, better a clown than a bloody misery like you, you're like death warmed up you are, man.

    Neville Hope : I'm not here 'cause I like it, Oz. Some of us, like me and Dennis, we're only going through with this 'cause we've got a purpose.

    Oz Osborne : Oh I thought you just had a wife, I didn't realise you had a porpoise, what do you feed that on?

    Dennis Patterson : Oz, you never know when to leave the 'lone do ya?

    Oz Osborne : Eh?

    Neville Hope : You're the one that's out of step, Oz.

    Oz Osborne : How's that, like?

    Neville Hope : What's so comical about me writing to me wife? What's so strange about us caring for her, worrying about her? Dennis is the same wi' his missus. You're just doing this for her, aren't you, Den? And the bairns.

    Dennis Patterson : Why, aye son.

  • Dennis Patterson : Oz. Oz, Oz, wake up man. Oz!

    Oz Osborne : What, man?

    Dennis Patterson : Where's Neville?

    Oz Osborne : What?

    Dennis Patterson : Where's Neville?

    Oz Osborne : Well he's not in here with me!

    Dennis Patterson : Well did he not come back wi' you last night?

    Oz Osborne : No he er, went out wi' Bomber and some o' the lads, I forget where.

    Dennis Patterson : Aw I knew I shouldn't have left him wi' you.

    Oz Osborne : Aw divvn't fret man, you've been wetnursing him since we left, he's old enough, man.

    Barry Taylor : Can you be quiet please?

    Oz Osborne : Oh bollocks!

    Barry Taylor : Look some of us are trying to sleep you know.

    Oz Osborne : Oh double bollocks!

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs


Recently Viewed