Batman (TV Series)

Fine Feathered Finks (1966)

Neil Hamilton: Commissioner Gordon

Photos 

Quotes 

• Chief O'Hara : A trick umbrella. As sure as a fingerprint, the mark of the Penguin.

  Commissioner Gordon : Correct, Chief O'Hara, the Penguin. That pompous, waddling master of foul play. That criminal maestro of a thousand ubiquitous umbrellas.

  Chief O'Hara : But I thought he was still up the river, Commissioner.

  Commissioner Gordon : So did I, 'til I checked with the penitentiary. The Penguin was released three days ago. Any volunteers, men? Any of you think you're smart enough to net the Penguin?

  Chief O'Hara : Aw, the devil with pride, Commissioner. I speak for us all. There's but one man livin' who can throw the net over that cagey bird.

  Commissioner Gordon : [glancing at the hotline phone]  Thank you, Chief O'Hara. I admire your honesty. And I make it unanimous. Whoever he may be behind that mask of his, our only hope is the Caped Crusader.

• Commissioner Gordon : [watching a surveillance tape of the Penguin on the eve of his release from prison]  Any thoughts, Batman?

  Batman : On the whole, I think we'd better discard my theory about the Penguin's going straight.

• Batman : I've long been a deep admirer of your fine work in reforming criminals.

  Warden Crichton : Well, we've had our little victories... our little failures, too, alas.

  Batman : How would you rate the Penguin?

  Warden Crichton : I'll let you judge that for yourself, Batman, indeed.

  Batman : Judge for myself?

  Warden Crichton : By means of videotape. It's one of my new progressive policies, you see. Before, uh, releasing a felon, I assign them to a special cell into which is built a secret television camera. It enables us to study the extent to which he's reformed, if any.

  Commissioner Gordon : Warden, you didn't forget the tape?

  Warden Crichton : I took the liberty of leaving it at your communications center when I arrived. They're waiting for your signal, Commissioner Gordon.

• Commissioner Gordon : There are three new umbrella factories. None of them, unfortunately, in the name of Penguin. It's a dead end.

  Robin : Could he be using an alias?

  Batman : Good thinking, Robin. Chief, read me the names on those umbrella-factory licenses.

  Chief O'Hara : Here's R.L. Howard. K.G. Bird. Sherlock...

  Batman : Bird?

  Robin : K.G. Bird... cagey bird! The Penguin, get it?

  Commissioner Gordon : Get it? Why, it's practically transparent.

• Batman : Strange. The umbrellas all went mad, creating the perfect cover for a holdup, and yet there was no holdup, right?

  Commissioner Gordon : Right as rain, Batman. The Penguin had everything set up and then didn't strike.

  Robin : The old one-two.

  Commissioner Gordon : Beg pardon, Boy Wonder?

  Robin : [pantomiming throwing punches]  Bam! A feint at the jewelry store to set us up for the real knockout later on... Zowie!

  Batman : Robin could be right... then again, I wonder if this whole affair might just have been a harmless practical joke.

  Commissioner Gordon : A joke, Batman?

  Batman : I have great faith in our prison system, Commissioner. Perhaps the Penguin's spell up the river has made him reform.

  Chief O'Hara : [scoffing snicker]  You're dreamin', Batman. It'll be a sad day for corkscrews when that crooked bird goes straight.

  Batman : Still, I'd like to know what his state of mind was when he left prison.

  Commissioner Gordon : [picking up a phone receiver]  Bonnie, send in Warden Crichton, will you?

  Batman : Warden Crichton? Of the state prison? Here?

  Commissioner Gordon : I anticipated your question, Batman. I had had rushed down here by helicopter.

• Batman : The important thing is to get on the Penguin's trail fast.

  Chief O'Hara : I'll put out a 4-points bulletin.

  Batman : Wait, I've got a better idea.

  Commissioner Gordon : Yes?

  Batman : The Penguin told us on that secret tape whatever his dazzling plot is, it involves umbrellas.

  Robin : So he'll need a front.

  Batman : Right. Quickly, Commissioner. Send for the city records. Let's find out if anyone's opened an umbrella factory in the last three days.

• Bruce Wayne : Yes, Commissioner?

  Commissioner Gordon : Brace yourself for a shock. It's the Penguin.

  Bruce Wayne : We'll be right there.