The Beverly Hillbillies (TV Series)

Jed's Dilemma (1963)

Irene Ryan: Daisy Moses

Photos 

Quotes 

• Cousin Pearl Bodine : I'll have vittles a-cookin' before you can say Jack Robinson.

  Daisy Moses : Jack Robinson. You stay outta my kitchen.

  Cousin Pearl Bodine : I believe that kitchen belongs to my cousin Jed.

  Daisy Moses : Well I's a granny and grannies is closer than cousins.

  Cousin Pearl Bodine : Not when the granny's on the wife's side. I've got Clampett blood in my veins.

  Daisy Moses : You wanna keep it there, you stay outta my kitchen.

• Jethrine Bodine : Ma can cook anywhere.

  Granny : Let's see her cook where I'm gonna...

  [Granny pushes Cousin Pearl into the "ce-ment" pond] 

• Jethrine Bodine : [Granny and Cousin Pearl disagreeing over who is going to cook in the kitchen]  Hey, Uncle Jed. Come on back. There's gonna be a fight.

  Cousin Pearl Bodine : Oh, I don't fight nobody twice my age.

  Daisy Moses : There ain't nobody twice your age!

  Cousin Pearl Bodine : I happen to be on the sunny side of 45.

  [slaps table] 

  Daisy Moses : Well, then move over into the shade. You're drying up something awful.

• Cousin Pearl Bodine : [Pearl is doing the ironing in the kitchen while Jethrine is walking towards the door holding Granny's rocking chair]  Where are you going with that, Jethrine?

  Jethrine Bodine : Outside.

  Cousin Pearl Bodine : I told you to take it up to Granny's bedroom.

  Jethrine Bodine : And Granny told me to take it outside.

  Cousin Pearl Bodine : Your taking your orders from me and not from Granny. That old woman is old and tired and we owe it to her to let her rest. Now, just hope and pray that when I get to be her age, that somebody will be looking after me.

  Granny : [Granny enters the kitchen without Pearl knowing and taps Pearl's shoulder]  You can quit hoping and praying! And if you don't stop messing around my kitchen you ain't gonna get to get to be my age!

• Jethrine Bodine : Ma gets a kick outa runnin' things.

  Daisy Moses : She's gonna get a kick that she ain't lookin' fer. I'm gonna boot her so hard that every time she sets down, she'll leave my footprints.

• Jed Clampett : Mornin' Granny. How's your rheumatiz?

  Daisy Moses : What rheumatiz?

  Jed Clampett : Pearl said you was havin' some twinges last night. That's how come she put a little mountain dew into your squirrel soup.

  Daisy Moses : Pearl spiked my soup?

  Jed Clampett : Yeah, she figgered it would help you to sleep. And you was likin' it too, Granny, you kept askin' for another slug of soup.

• Jed Clampett : Now don't get riled up at Pearl. I reckon she's just tryin' to be helpful.

  Daisy Moses : She's about as helpful as a alligator in a swimmin' hole.

• Daisy Moses : [Jethrine is singing]  Don't tell me that child ain't sick. Nobody makes a noise like that on purpose.

  Cousin Pearl Bodine : You're gonna be sorry you said them things when Jethrine commence to singin' with a big orchestry like Rudy Vallee.

  Daisy Moses : Who?

  Cousin Pearl Bodine : Rudy Vallee and his Connecticut Yankees.

  Daisy Moses : Did you hear that, Jed! Your traitor cousin Pearl is lettin' her daughter desert to the Yankees!... Well, I reckon they're gettin' what they deserve.