- Jonathan Turner: First of all, I would like to say thank you to the parents for being here. After they speak, you guys should have a better idea of what kind vocations interest you.
- [Shawn raises his hand]
- Jonathan Turner: Let me guess, Hunter. Summer vocation? Find some new material will ya?
- Alan Matthews: I don't know a lot of big rock stars, but I do know this. I take pride in what I do. Everybody needs groceries. I like to think we do more than sell lettuce and pickles and potato chips and bugspray. We sell, um, dreams.
- Alex: What aisle?
- Topanga Lawrence: Daddy, forget about all that. Tell them who called last night.
- Jedediah Lawrence: Oh, they don't wanna hear about that, Tippy.
- Cory Matthews, Shawn Hunter: Tippy?
- [Topanga turns to them, literally snarling]
- Cory Matthews: Tippy's nice.
- Shawn Hunter: It's my new favorite name.
- Eric Matthews: You didn't go to college. Why do I have to go?
- Alan Matthews: Because someday your son is going to have a career day. And if you don't go to college, your son's teacher is going to stand up there in front of all the cool parents and say, "Here's the grocer!" Go to college!
- Eric Matthews: I don't think I can. Oh, why try? What's the point? We're all just gonna die anyway.
- Jason Marsden: Well, aren't we nihilistic. Or should I say vacuitous.
- Eric Matthews: Hey, if you're so smart, how come you don't understand shut up?
- Jason Marsden: Well, that vocabulary review was exhilarating and revitalizing. And to think I thought the SATs would be my "bette noir".
- Eric Matthews: Shut up!
- Chet Hunter: I'm telling ya man I got business here.
- George Feeny: Listen, I'm not going to tell you this again. If you're not faculty or staff you have no business on this campus!
- Chet Hunter: Hey, leave me alone pal. I'm George Feeny and I'm the principal of this here high school.
- George Feeny: And you're not George Feeny!
- Chet Hunter: I'm parked in his spot ain't I?
- Jedediah Lawrence: I'm a luthier.
- Shawn Hunter: And I'm a presbyterian, but to each his own I say.
- Jedediah Lawrence: A luthier is someone who make musical instruments.
- Shawn Hunter: No offense, sir, but that's gotta be the nuttiest religion I ever heard.
- [Jedediah looks at Mr. Turner]
- Jonathan Turner: Heh. Don't worry it's not you.
- Chet Hunter: Adam, I consider you a friend.
- Alan Matthews: Alan.
- Chet Hunter: I respect you. Yes sir, you're the heartbeat of America. People can count on you. Ya got roots! I like that.
- Alan Matthews: Where's this heading?
- Chet Hunter: I need a favor. My wife Verna, she's... She's out there. My heart's out there with her. Not to mention my wallet and major credit cards. But she is my wife and go after her I must.
- Amy Matthews: And the favor?
- Chet Hunter: Take care of my boy. Now, you don't have to answer right now. Well, yes you do.
- Cory Matthews: Stay here? That'd be great?
- Shawn Hunter: Dad, why can't I just come with you.
- Chet Hunter: Oh, come on. The road's no place for a boy. Especially with your momma out there drivin' on it. Your place is here. In school. With Teach over there. In this house. In the company of these fine people.
- [smiles at Amy and Alan]
- Chet Hunter: No pressure.
- Shawn Hunter: Hi, Mr. Turner. Sorry for bugging you. I, um, I had a question. Am I interrupting anything? Hey! Look, it's Miss Tompkins!
- Jonathan Turner: Yeah, I know.
- Shawn Hunter: Boy, you teachers sure work la-ohhh!
- Chet Hunter: What I sell best are ideas. That's what I am. I'm an idea man. Well, a few years ago I had an idea for an all news tv station, going all the time, all over the world.
- Topanga Lawrence: You invented CNN?
- Chet Hunter: That's exactly what I called it! CNN. Chet's News Network. But I made the mistake of yapping to a southern fella about it on an elevator. Wait.
- [He turns to Mr. Turner and eyes him suspiciously]
- Chet Hunter: What'd you say your last name was?
- Jonathan Turner: Turner. No relation.
- Alan Matthews: Hey, Shawn, Cory. Um. Guess how many different kinds of rice we have.
- Cory Matthews: Oh, no.
- Alan Matthews: Come on, Shawn. Guess.
- Shawn Hunter: Ten?
- Alan Matthews: Ten. Puh! Twenty-one. And that's not even counting the short grains. Throw them in, fogedda 'bout it!
- Shawn Hunter: Cory?
- Cory Matthews: Yeah?
- Shawn Hunter: I'm glad I'm not you.
- Jonathan Turner: You know, Alan? Chet was right about one thing. You're a good man.
- Cory Matthews: Dad?
- Alan Matthews: Hmm?
- Cory Matthews: Uh, listen. I never really thanked you for coming to school yesterday.
- Alan Matthews: Ah, no problem. Sorry I couldn't compete with that guitar player and that foot doctor.
- Cory Matthews: Well, that's only because you left out the most important thing you do.
- Alan Matthews: What's that?
- Cory Matthews: What you do after work. I mean, around here. For us. For our friends.
- Alan Matthews: Eh Cory, that's nothing.
- Cory Matthews: It's everything, Dad. I mean, I was thinking I was the son of a grocer. But now I know what I really am is... well, the son of my father.
- Chet Hunter: By a show of hands, how many of you have a microwave oven?
- [Everyone slowly raises their hands]
- Chet Hunter: You're welcome.