- Amy Matthews: Alan, remember how we were worried about Eric's F-U-T-U-R-E?
- Eric Matthews: Oh ma, you don't have to worry about my furniture!
- Dr. Feldspar: I see in my notes here you've got a, uh... tummy ache, that your brain hurts, and you've lost all feeling in your legs.
- Cory Matthews: Could you tell my wife that? I want you to write her a note.
- Dr. Feldspar: Right, it says here you're a newlywed. Things going well with the wife?
- Cory Matthews: Why, because she's not here? Is that what makes you question my marriage?
- Dr. Feldspar: Ever have trouble performing in bed?
- Cory Matthews: Why, did she call you?
- Dr. Feldspar: No, she didn't. You're very sensitive about all this, aren't you?
- Cory Matthews: Well, as you all know, I just came from the doctor.
- Topanga Matthews: You have something?
- Cory Matthews: Yes. I have something. You all made fun of me, but I have something, alright.
- [Holds up a piece of paper]
- Cory Matthews: It's all right here. Right here...
- [to Topanga]
- Cory Matthews: You're my wife. 'kay? You have the right to know first.
- [He hands Topanga the paper then goes to the window and broods]
- Shawn Hunter: What's it say?
- Topanga Matthews: He has hypochondria. Chronic and severe hypocohondria.
- Cory Matthews: That's right.
- [He turns to face everyone, near tears]
- Cory Matthews: I'm a hypochondriac.
- Topanga Matthews: Cory, it means that there's nothing wrong with you! It means you create stuff in your head!
- Cory Matthews: Yes, well.
- [He holds up a prescription bottle]
- Cory Matthews: He gave me these placebos.
- Shawn Hunter: Placebos are what they give to crazy people like you to make them think they're being cured of something they don't have!
- Cory Matthews: Hey!
- [screams]
- Cory Matthews: I have to be on these for the rest of my life!