- Cory Matthews: Mr. Feeny, who cares about a guy who killed himself for some dumb girl?
- Mr. George Feeny: The tragedy here, Mr. Matthews, is not about a dumb girl, or the boy who kills himself because of her. It's about the all-consuming power of love. And the inevitability of its influence on each of our lives.
- Cory Matthews: [pauses] Are you aware that I'm only eleven years old?
- Cory Matthews: Mr. Feeny, this stinks.
- Mr. George Feeny: It's supposed to stink, Mr. Matthews. It's detention. You're being detained from whatever it is you'd rather be doing.
- Cory Matthews: Well, I think it's a cruel and unusual life-sucking torture.
- Mr. George Feeny: You've captured the essence.
- Mr. George Feeny: There is no gravity in space, Mr. Matthews, therefore astronauts suck UP. Learn from them.
- Eric Matthews: [on the phone] You will? Ok great. Yeah, me too. Alrighty. Okay, bye.
- [Eric hangs up the phone and then excitedly]
- Eric Matthews: Yes!
- Cory Matthews: [Entering the room] Yes! The Phillies won 8-3!
- Eric Matthews: I'm going out with Heather Ralston!
- Cory Matthews: Do you know what that means?
- Eric Matthews: It means every guy in the tenth grade wants to be me.
- Cory Matthews: It means if they win Friday night they're in the playoffs!
- Eric Matthews: Oh, look Cory we gotta talk about something.
- Cory Matthews: That makes the game we're going to the most important game of the year!
- Eric Matthews: Cory, my date with Heather's Friday.
- Cory Matthews: Now, look, I got a slight case of detention from Feeny but I'll just meet you at the bus. What?
- Eric Matthews: It's the only night she was available.
- Cory Matthews: You're not going to the game? That's terrible!
- Eric Matthews: Actually Cory it uh, it gets worse.
- Cory Matthews: She's going to the game with us?
- Eric Matthews: You're really close.
- Cory Matthews: She and I are going to the game?
- Eric Matthews: Ugh. Come on Cory it's my first date with her. It's really important to me.
- Cory Matthews: But Eric, going to The Phillies game is like our special thing.
- Eric Matthews: Cory. I'm trying to get a special thing goin' with Heather. Now look, you can be happy for me and accept this like a mature guy or you can...
- Cory Matthews: [yells running out the door] Dad!
- Eric Matthews: Overreact.
- Cory Matthews: Dad!
- Amy Matthews: Just the kid I wanted to see.
- Cory Matthews: Mom we have a major problem.
- Amy Matthews: You have detention with Mr. Feeny!
- Cory Matthews: How could you possibly know that?
- Amy Matthews: He stuck his head over the fence and told me while I was bringing in the groceries.
- Cory Matthews: I wanna move!
- Alan Matthews: Why did you get detention?
- Cory Matthews: You know, you're missing the bigger issue Dad. You bought a house next to my teacher. I wanna move. I wanna move now. Get the guy with the gold jacket. I'll be in the car.
- Mr. George Feeny: Mr. Matthews, I spend 35 to 40 hours a week dealing with the perceived problems of whiny, little people like yourself. Now, this is my lunch period. My respite from the fray. I spend four hours with you every morning and three hours with you every afternoon. Now, for God's sake get out of my face!
- Cory Matthews: Mr. Feeny, may I sit down?
- Mr. George Feeny: I'd rather you didn't.
- Cory Matthews: [turns towards Shawn and Nicolas] Hates me!
- Shawn Hunter: Cory.
- Cory Matthews: Huh?
- Shawn Hunter: What's the score?
- Cory Matthews: Bottom of the third. Two outs. Dykstra's on second. Kruk's on first. three and two to Daulton.
- Mr. George Feeny: [Mr Feeny appears and moves Cory's hand out of the way to reveal his earbud. Feeny then pulls it all the way out] What's this Mr. Matthews?
- Cory Matthews: Huh? What'd you say, Mr. Feeny? You took my hearing aid.
- Mr. George Feeny: [He puts the earbud in his ear] Smoltz delivers. Daulton swings Oh, he got a piece of that one. It's a long drive deep to center. Otis Nixon back, back to the warning track. Climbs up the wall and...
- Mr. George Feeny: [Mr. Feeny pulls the earbud out before hearing the outcome and turns off the radio] Mr. Matthews, "Romeo and Juliet" is Shakespeare's ultimate test of love between a man and a woman.
- Amy Matthews: [seeing Cory rummaging through his dresser drawers] Okay, mister, drop my son's underwear.
- Cory Matthews: Mom, it's me.
- Amy Matthews: Why should I believe you?
- Cory Matthews: Who else would want my underwear?
- Amy Matthews: Good point.
- Nicholas: How late did *you* stay up last night?
- Cory Matthews: Monologue
- Nicholas: Monologue, first guest.
- Shawn Hunter: Monologue, first guest, bad sketch.
- Cory Matthews: Monologue, first guest, bad sketch, funny zoo animal.
- Nicholas: Monologue, first guest, bad sketch, funny zoo animal... Steve Lawrence!
- Cory Matthews: Woah!
- Shawn Hunter: Steve Lawrence?
- Cory Matthews: Hey, how about we go to game Friday night?
- Nicholas: I thought the game was sold out.
- Cory Matthews: It is. So we go down early. There's always guys with extra tickets.
- Shawn Hunter: Don't you have detention Friday?
- Cory Matthews: Don't worry about detention. I can handle Feeny. Feeny loves me.
- Shawn Hunter: Feeny hates you.
- Cory Matthews: Well, it's one of the two.